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Don’t be your own worst enemy when it comes to relationships – break any bad emotional habits you’ve got now Some of us are always very jealous in a relationship. Others are always too clingy. And some of us always end up being unfaithful. It’s as if an invisible force pushes us into the same […]

The post Breaking Your Bad Relationship Habits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4187) "

Some of us are always very jealous in a relationship. Others are always too clingy. And some of us always end up being unfaithful. It’s as if an invisible force pushes us into the same behaviour routine time and time again. We often know it’s not right, but feel unable to do anything about it, as if we’re victims of our own habits – arghhh! But it doesn’t have to be like that. It takes a bit of soul searching to break bad emotional habits, but it can be done. Here’s how.

The first step is to recognise that you have a bad habit. Own up: I am the green-eyed monster who wants to howl when he so much as looks at another woman. A lot of people maintain various myths that it’s their bloke who’s always in the wrong when they know full well that they are at least in part to blame. But by admitting that you have a problem, you’re on your way to solving it.

Where does it come from?

The second step is the soul-searching part. Why are you jealous/clingy/unfaithful? Be warned: the answer could be very heavy. It may be that an insecure upbringing stops you getting too attached to any one bloke, and has you off in search of others all the time. Perhaps so many men have let you down that you just don’t trust them any more. You will probably know the root of your problem, deep down – or will be able to work it out if you’re honest enough with yourself. Don’t get too bogged down in psychobabble, but if you can, try to recognise and understand the reason for your bad habit before you move on.

Step three is where you take some action. “A step-by-step approach to breaking bad relationship habits works really well,” says Denise Knowles, Relate counsellor. “If you’re horribly jealous or clingy, ask yourself, ‘What are my expectations, and are they reasonable?’ Can you seriously expect a bloke never to look at another woman or never to go out without you?” Denise recommends setting yourself a goal that you know is reasonable. Perhaps you’d like him to only go out once a week with other friends – be they male or female. And you’d like to be able to deal with that without falling apart. Make sure that on that night you have something fun to do – if no one’s around to hang out with, get a video in, bake a cake, dye a dress a new colour – anything that’ll help put you in a good mood for when he comes in.

Be honest with your partner

“If you find commitment hard in relationships, recognise the danger point,” warns Denise. “Tell your partner when you’re beginning to feel restless and plan to do something special together around that time.” Take a trip to the seaside. Buy a new sex toy. Throw a dinner party. Do whatever it takes to get through the period when you’d normally be off finding someone new to bonk. This will give your current relationship a chance to work.

Once you’re handling your bad habit, set yourself new achievable goals. The idea is to handle your most vulnerable emotions gently but firmly, gaining confidence in yourself as well as your relationship as you go. That way, if your relationship does fail, you’ll know that it’s not because you’ve been unable to break destructive patterns in your life. Now that’s progress.

The post Breaking Your Bad Relationship Habits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Don’t be your own worst enemy when it comes to relationships – break any bad emotional habits you’ve got now Some of us are always very jealous in a relationship. Others are always too clingy. And some of us always end up being unfaithful. It’s as if an invisible force pushes us into the same […]

The post Breaking Your Bad Relationship Habits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4187) "

Some of us are always very jealous in a relationship. Others are always too clingy. And some of us always end up being unfaithful. It’s as if an invisible force pushes us into the same behaviour routine time and time again. We often know it’s not right, but feel unable to do anything about it, as if we’re victims of our own habits – arghhh! But it doesn’t have to be like that. It takes a bit of soul searching to break bad emotional habits, but it can be done. Here’s how.

The first step is to recognise that you have a bad habit. Own up: I am the green-eyed monster who wants to howl when he so much as looks at another woman. A lot of people maintain various myths that it’s their bloke who’s always in the wrong when they know full well that they are at least in part to blame. But by admitting that you have a problem, you’re on your way to solving it.

Where does it come from?

The second step is the soul-searching part. Why are you jealous/clingy/unfaithful? Be warned: the answer could be very heavy. It may be that an insecure upbringing stops you getting too attached to any one bloke, and has you off in search of others all the time. Perhaps so many men have let you down that you just don’t trust them any more. You will probably know the root of your problem, deep down – or will be able to work it out if you’re honest enough with yourself. Don’t get too bogged down in psychobabble, but if you can, try to recognise and understand the reason for your bad habit before you move on.

Step three is where you take some action. “A step-by-step approach to breaking bad relationship habits works really well,” says Denise Knowles, Relate counsellor. “If you’re horribly jealous or clingy, ask yourself, ‘What are my expectations, and are they reasonable?’ Can you seriously expect a bloke never to look at another woman or never to go out without you?” Denise recommends setting yourself a goal that you know is reasonable. Perhaps you’d like him to only go out once a week with other friends – be they male or female. And you’d like to be able to deal with that without falling apart. Make sure that on that night you have something fun to do – if no one’s around to hang out with, get a video in, bake a cake, dye a dress a new colour – anything that’ll help put you in a good mood for when he comes in.

Be honest with your partner

“If you find commitment hard in relationships, recognise the danger point,” warns Denise. “Tell your partner when you’re beginning to feel restless and plan to do something special together around that time.” Take a trip to the seaside. Buy a new sex toy. Throw a dinner party. Do whatever it takes to get through the period when you’d normally be off finding someone new to bonk. This will give your current relationship a chance to work.

Once you’re handling your bad habit, set yourself new achievable goals. The idea is to handle your most vulnerable emotions gently but firmly, gaining confidence in yourself as well as your relationship as you go. That way, if your relationship does fail, you’ll know that it’s not because you’ve been unable to break destructive patterns in your life. Now that’s progress.

The post Breaking Your Bad Relationship Habits appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601312462) } [1]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(23) "Love/Hate Relationships" ["link"]=> string(62) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/love-hate-relationships/" ["comments"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/love-hate-relationships/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:49:48 +0000" ["category"]=> string(27) "Relationship Advicehatelove" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5954" ["description"]=> string(606) "

We all know the type – can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Love/hate relationships are one of the oldest romantic clichés in the book – exhilarating, devastating and bash-your-head-on-the-wall frustrating in equal turns. But how did it get to this? One theory is that, just as all love affairs experience a cooling-off after […]

The post Love/Hate Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3793) "

We all know the type – can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Love/hate relationships are one of the oldest romantic clichés in the book – exhilarating, devastating and bash-your-head-on-the-wall frustrating in equal turns. But how did it get to this?

One theory is that, just as all love affairs experience a cooling-off after the head-dizzying excitement settles into the familiar comfort of a long-term relationship, in our quest for the passion we once had, we use anger and shouty tantrums in a subconscious effort to keep the passion alive (after all, there’s nothing quite like the make-up sex, is there, gals?).

Or you might claim that you both have fiery personalities that bring out the best and worst in each other in equal measure – as if that somehow absolves you from taking personal responsibility for how you behave. I have a friend who describes a (not unusual) argument over putting out the rubbish that resulted in her making her sheepish way to Argos the next day to replace the broken iron that (among other things) she threw at his head.

Can anyone honestly justify that as a way to behave? No matter how high your emotions run, I’ll guarantee you don’t act like that with your boss. The shock truth is that reasonable behaviour can be maintained, no matter how ‘passionate’ you believe yourselves to be.

Manipulation

In the yin and yang of emotions, the flipside of love is, by its very nature, fed by the kind of negative feelings that, once they’ve insinuated themselves into your relationship, have a way of refusing to leave. Issues of control, manipulation, jealousy and the like are all classic symptoms of the love-hate relationship. And if they’re not caught early, they will destroy the passion that you’re so eager to protect. Before you know it, you’re stuck tight in an ultimately destructive pattern you can’t seem to break.

Count to 10, see a counsellor – do whatever it takes to make you both learn how to listen honestly to what the other wants and needs. You have to learn how to communicate. Only then will you discover whether you’re really suited and find out if you have a future beyond the shallow see-saw of your emotions.

Of course, you’re still going to argue, but real, grown-up couples use arguments as a means to discover, understand and then resolve their differences, not as an opportunity to maintain emotional distance or – worse still – as foreplay.

Love/hate relationships may be passionate, but it’s time to leave the heightened passion in the bedroom where it belongs. Sharing fun and laughter is more likely to lead to a long and happy life together than balancing every orgasm with an equally climactic row. Health professionals have discovered that a gentle life can mean a long life – two German doctors now claim that we only have a limited amount of ‘life energy’ and using it up too quickly can accelerate the ageing process. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to apply the same rule to relationships; it is quite simply impossible to maintain that level of heightened emotion every moment of every day.

The post Love/Hate Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(67) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/love-hate-relationships/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(606) "

We all know the type – can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Love/hate relationships are one of the oldest romantic clichés in the book – exhilarating, devastating and bash-your-head-on-the-wall frustrating in equal turns. But how did it get to this? One theory is that, just as all love affairs experience a cooling-off after […]

The post Love/Hate Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3793) "

We all know the type – can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Love/hate relationships are one of the oldest romantic clichés in the book – exhilarating, devastating and bash-your-head-on-the-wall frustrating in equal turns. But how did it get to this?

One theory is that, just as all love affairs experience a cooling-off after the head-dizzying excitement settles into the familiar comfort of a long-term relationship, in our quest for the passion we once had, we use anger and shouty tantrums in a subconscious effort to keep the passion alive (after all, there’s nothing quite like the make-up sex, is there, gals?).

Or you might claim that you both have fiery personalities that bring out the best and worst in each other in equal measure – as if that somehow absolves you from taking personal responsibility for how you behave. I have a friend who describes a (not unusual) argument over putting out the rubbish that resulted in her making her sheepish way to Argos the next day to replace the broken iron that (among other things) she threw at his head.

Can anyone honestly justify that as a way to behave? No matter how high your emotions run, I’ll guarantee you don’t act like that with your boss. The shock truth is that reasonable behaviour can be maintained, no matter how ‘passionate’ you believe yourselves to be.

Manipulation

In the yin and yang of emotions, the flipside of love is, by its very nature, fed by the kind of negative feelings that, once they’ve insinuated themselves into your relationship, have a way of refusing to leave. Issues of control, manipulation, jealousy and the like are all classic symptoms of the love-hate relationship. And if they’re not caught early, they will destroy the passion that you’re so eager to protect. Before you know it, you’re stuck tight in an ultimately destructive pattern you can’t seem to break.

Count to 10, see a counsellor – do whatever it takes to make you both learn how to listen honestly to what the other wants and needs. You have to learn how to communicate. Only then will you discover whether you’re really suited and find out if you have a future beyond the shallow see-saw of your emotions.

Of course, you’re still going to argue, but real, grown-up couples use arguments as a means to discover, understand and then resolve their differences, not as an opportunity to maintain emotional distance or – worse still – as foreplay.

Love/hate relationships may be passionate, but it’s time to leave the heightened passion in the bedroom where it belongs. Sharing fun and laughter is more likely to lead to a long and happy life together than balancing every orgasm with an equally climactic row. Health professionals have discovered that a gentle life can mean a long life – two German doctors now claim that we only have a limited amount of ‘life energy’ and using it up too quickly can accelerate the ageing process. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to apply the same rule to relationships; it is quite simply impossible to maintain that level of heightened emotion every moment of every day.

The post Love/Hate Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601311788) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(27) "The Attraction of Opposites" ["link"]=> string(66) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/the-attraction-of-opposites/" ["comments"]=> string(74) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/the-attraction-of-opposites/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:03:56 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5950" ["description"]=> string(608) "

We all know the phrase ‘opposites attract’. But what draws individuals who are extremely different to one another? And can it last? Think of a jigsaw. Or an old-fashioned set of weighing scales. Experts agree that we’re attracted to the qualities of an ‘opposite’ because they complete us, or balance us. Sort of. We sometimes […]

The post The Attraction of Opposites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6623) "
We all know the phrase ‘opposites attract’. But what draws individuals who are extremely different to one another? And can it last?

Think of a jigsaw. Or an old-fashioned set of weighing scales. Experts agree that we’re attracted to the qualities of an ‘opposite’ because they complete us, or balance us. Sort of. We sometimes choose someone that has attributes we’d like to have, so a shy person might fancy the office joker, for example.

On an unconscious level we attract opposites to learn from them. In a relationship, you get the chance to study up close the qualities you’d like, and you might well wind up expressing them yourself. Hands up who’s never developed a taste for new bands or a new hobby because of a boyfriend.

Imagine dating a carbon copy of yourself. Not going to be that thrilling, is it? Two extroverts wanting the limelight all the time. Or a pair of introverts living in their own worlds. Opposites stimulate each other.

Sometimes they stimulate headlines too! Gareth Gates is said to have lost his virginity to Jordan – when she was six months pregnant. And as for Steve Coogan and Courtney Love – what was that all about?!

Suzy Bashford, 28, knows the attractions of dating her opposite. Gregarious, determined and a lover of cheesy music, she met Phil, 30, at a university ball eight years ago. He’s shy, laidback and still refuses to have ABBA on his iPod.

‘I was attracted to his chilled-out, ‘everything-will-always-work-out’ attitude to life, as well as the fact that he has such a positive outlook. He’s been a really good influence on me because before we met I tended to get bogged down by life’s niggly chores. Now he teases me when I take anything too seriously.’

Crucially, Suzy gives as much as she takes. ‘Phil now does a lot more because of me – I love organising things whether it be long bike rides, or going away for the weekend. He’s too chilled to arrange these things himself, but enjoys them when I do.’

But what happens when opposites clash? What can they do to stay together? ‘You need to respect each other’s view. Wanting your partner to agree with you lock, stock, and barrel smacks of control. It’s OK to love one another and still have a difference of opinion,’ says Balbir Chagger, relationship consultant and founder of The Harley Relationship Centre.

Couples often confuse clashes with ‘s/he doesn’t love me’, suggests psychotherapist Joanna Rosenthall of the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships. ‘People mistake a relationship difficulty as incompatibility. Lots come to me with the fantasy that they should be the same for it to work.’

In fact, a couple can manage a lot of differences if they respect and listen to each other. It’s when one of you asserts that the other is wrong that troubles appear. Your differences aren’t the problem – it’s the way you treat one another.

‘Don’t give up trying to talk to and understand each other,’ advises Joanna. Be curious about why he does things the way he does rather than putting him down for it. If you still find yourself in a deadlock – acquiesce. ‘Sometimes you have to let go of things you feel are right. Stubbornness in a relationship can be deadly.’

Suzy learnt early on to be flexible. ‘I used to get frustrated that I was always “the organiser” but now I’ve accepted that it’s one of my strengths, and that he brings other important qualities to our relationship. When we have friends round for dinner, for example, he loves doing the cooking, and chatting to people when they wander into the kitchen, whereas I like to entertain in the living room.’

‘Dating an opposite can be like the jigsaw puzzle pieces fitting together for love, harmony, fun and personal growth,’ confirms Balbir.

For all their differences, opposites in successful relationships will almost always share core values – respect, trust, fidelity, attitude to money etc. Family, for example, is very important to Suzy and Phil. As is honesty, and sport – both those they practise alone, and the ones they love doing together.

Suzy wishes she hadn’t bothered agonising over the differences between her and Phil. Friends at university used to express concerns about whether they would ‘work’ socially, which made her wonder whether the relationship was doomed.

‘Now I know you can learn so much from someone who’s not like you. It opens you both up to new experiences and perspectives. As long as you agree on the big issues, then being different can really enhance your relationship. And your life,’ says Suzy.

Do:
Remember what you first felt – the excitement and the newness
Keep an open attitude to your differences. What can you learn from one another?
Really listen to one another. Express yourselves as often as possible/feels right

Don’t:
Don’t attack him for being different or say he’s wrong. This is tantamount to bullying. Put yourself in his shoes…
Don’t constantly try to change him. One of you will end up in tears
Try to resist thinking that the initial ‘he’s so perfect’ period will last. Sooner or later some of the differences that first attracted you to him will begin to grate. That’s when you need to keep a check on your attitude
Don’t date someone completely different as a knee-jerk reaction to a past partner

The post The Attraction of Opposites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/the-attraction-of-opposites/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(608) "

We all know the phrase ‘opposites attract’. But what draws individuals who are extremely different to one another? And can it last? Think of a jigsaw. Or an old-fashioned set of weighing scales. Experts agree that we’re attracted to the qualities of an ‘opposite’ because they complete us, or balance us. Sort of. We sometimes […]

The post The Attraction of Opposites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6623) "
We all know the phrase ‘opposites attract’. But what draws individuals who are extremely different to one another? And can it last?

Think of a jigsaw. Or an old-fashioned set of weighing scales. Experts agree that we’re attracted to the qualities of an ‘opposite’ because they complete us, or balance us. Sort of. We sometimes choose someone that has attributes we’d like to have, so a shy person might fancy the office joker, for example.

On an unconscious level we attract opposites to learn from them. In a relationship, you get the chance to study up close the qualities you’d like, and you might well wind up expressing them yourself. Hands up who’s never developed a taste for new bands or a new hobby because of a boyfriend.

Imagine dating a carbon copy of yourself. Not going to be that thrilling, is it? Two extroverts wanting the limelight all the time. Or a pair of introverts living in their own worlds. Opposites stimulate each other.

Sometimes they stimulate headlines too! Gareth Gates is said to have lost his virginity to Jordan – when she was six months pregnant. And as for Steve Coogan and Courtney Love – what was that all about?!

Suzy Bashford, 28, knows the attractions of dating her opposite. Gregarious, determined and a lover of cheesy music, she met Phil, 30, at a university ball eight years ago. He’s shy, laidback and still refuses to have ABBA on his iPod.

‘I was attracted to his chilled-out, ‘everything-will-always-work-out’ attitude to life, as well as the fact that he has such a positive outlook. He’s been a really good influence on me because before we met I tended to get bogged down by life’s niggly chores. Now he teases me when I take anything too seriously.’

Crucially, Suzy gives as much as she takes. ‘Phil now does a lot more because of me – I love organising things whether it be long bike rides, or going away for the weekend. He’s too chilled to arrange these things himself, but enjoys them when I do.’

But what happens when opposites clash? What can they do to stay together? ‘You need to respect each other’s view. Wanting your partner to agree with you lock, stock, and barrel smacks of control. It’s OK to love one another and still have a difference of opinion,’ says Balbir Chagger, relationship consultant and founder of The Harley Relationship Centre.

Couples often confuse clashes with ‘s/he doesn’t love me’, suggests psychotherapist Joanna Rosenthall of the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships. ‘People mistake a relationship difficulty as incompatibility. Lots come to me with the fantasy that they should be the same for it to work.’

In fact, a couple can manage a lot of differences if they respect and listen to each other. It’s when one of you asserts that the other is wrong that troubles appear. Your differences aren’t the problem – it’s the way you treat one another.

‘Don’t give up trying to talk to and understand each other,’ advises Joanna. Be curious about why he does things the way he does rather than putting him down for it. If you still find yourself in a deadlock – acquiesce. ‘Sometimes you have to let go of things you feel are right. Stubbornness in a relationship can be deadly.’

Suzy learnt early on to be flexible. ‘I used to get frustrated that I was always “the organiser” but now I’ve accepted that it’s one of my strengths, and that he brings other important qualities to our relationship. When we have friends round for dinner, for example, he loves doing the cooking, and chatting to people when they wander into the kitchen, whereas I like to entertain in the living room.’

‘Dating an opposite can be like the jigsaw puzzle pieces fitting together for love, harmony, fun and personal growth,’ confirms Balbir.

For all their differences, opposites in successful relationships will almost always share core values – respect, trust, fidelity, attitude to money etc. Family, for example, is very important to Suzy and Phil. As is honesty, and sport – both those they practise alone, and the ones they love doing together.

Suzy wishes she hadn’t bothered agonising over the differences between her and Phil. Friends at university used to express concerns about whether they would ‘work’ socially, which made her wonder whether the relationship was doomed.

‘Now I know you can learn so much from someone who’s not like you. It opens you both up to new experiences and perspectives. As long as you agree on the big issues, then being different can really enhance your relationship. And your life,’ says Suzy.

Do:
Remember what you first felt – the excitement and the newness
Keep an open attitude to your differences. What can you learn from one another?
Really listen to one another. Express yourselves as often as possible/feels right

Don’t:
Don’t attack him for being different or say he’s wrong. This is tantamount to bullying. Put yourself in his shoes…
Don’t constantly try to change him. One of you will end up in tears
Try to resist thinking that the initial ‘he’s so perfect’ period will last. Sooner or later some of the differences that first attracted you to him will begin to grate. That’s when you need to keep a check on your attitude
Don’t date someone completely different as a knee-jerk reaction to a past partner

The post The Attraction of Opposites appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601309036) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(79) "Think Everyone’s Love Life is Better Than Yours? Then You Need To Think Again" ["link"]=> string(114) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/think-everyones-love-life-is-better-than-yours-then-you-need-to-think-again/" ["comments"]=> string(122) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/think-everyones-love-life-is-better-than-yours-then-you-need-to-think-again/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Sarah Hill" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:58:14 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5947" ["description"]=> string(719) "

Discontent is a dirty word. Thanks to an unending barrage of adverts depicting smiling, laughing couples, and the Hollywood machine churning out one rom-com after another, we’re constantly being presented with ideals of ‘perfection’. But can any of us honestly admit our love lives are as perfect and wonderful as the characters’ on the silver […]

The post Think Everyone’s Love Life is Better Than Yours? Then You Need To Think Again appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6943) "

Discontent is a dirty word. Thanks to an unending barrage of adverts depicting smiling, laughing couples, and the Hollywood machine churning out one rom-com after another, we’re constantly being presented with ideals of ‘perfection’. But can any of us honestly admit our love lives are as perfect and wonderful as the characters’ on the silver screen? Hardly. And would any of us admit it? Probably not.

But we can’t blame this on Hollywood entirely. If you’re bored in your long-term relationship, just seeing your newly loved-up mate glowing with happiness can lead you down a dark and murky path of self-questioning: ‘Why isn’t my bloke that romantic? Is he even right for me?’ Or if you’re single, your friends in long-term relationships – where there are hugs on tap and plans with parents – can leave you feeling lonely and unloved. Yet behind closed doors, those very friends may well be bored to tears with their familiar routine. This is ‘Grass is Greener’ syndrome, and unfortunately, it’s human nature.

“It’s instinctive for women to want to feel we are with the best possible mate”, says Kate Taylor, resident relationship expert. “We have so much choice in our lives today that we can get confused and look to our friends for reassurance or direction. We think, ‘Is she happier that me? Should I be following her path? Would that make me happier?’

But as Kate notes, it’s easy to only look at the bright side of our friends’ lives. Lucy, a 24 year-old administrator, says that she became disenchanted with her own relationship after continually comparing it to her best mate’s seemingly blissful love-life. “Every weekend with my boyfriend was the same. We’d go to the pub, then maybe shopping. Sometimes we’d have friends over. All the while my friend would tell me all about the overblown romantic gestures her bloke had made, and all the wonderful places he had taken her, and I started to think that perhaps my boyfriend wasn’t the one for me. Surely if he really loved me he’d be doing the same things?”

In the end, Lucy and her boyfriend split up, and Lucy admits that she’d rather have stayed with her boyfriend as they were than be single now: “I thought being single would give me the thrill of thinking that ‘the right one’ might be around the corner, but instead I just miss what I had.”

Conversely, it’s easy to see why couples can fall foul of the same thinking about their single mates – there’s more approval to be had from the opposite sex when you’re single, you get chatted up more and you flirt more than people in relationships do. “Hearing singleton’s tales of wild weekends can make previously blissful couples feel like their youth is passing them by,” says Kate. “‘I should be having wild-romps on yachts! Not spending the weekend comparing paint charts!'”. And this thinking can cause you to pick fights with your man, partly out of discontent – you focus purely on the negative – but partly, Kate says, because you might feel you have ‘nothing to lose’ because if you split up, you’d be single again, which might be what you actually want. But of course, says Kate, “Singletons rarely admit to having long lonely weekends in front of the TV with only a bag of Doritos for company. Couples hear a skewed version of events.”

So how can we find a happy balance? If we’re constantly eyeing up everyone else’s love lives, what chance do we have at ever being satisfied?

While feelings of envy can be potentially destructive (as was the case with Lucy), Kate believes it can be helpful and motivational, providing it jolts you into realising you need to make a change. “Every time you find yourself feeling envious of someone, dig down until you find what it is you wish you were doing, and do it! Envy can be a brilliant barometer of your secret yearnings, and you can use it as a catalyst to help you make some positive changes in your own life.”

Of course, this isn’t to say you should ditch your boyfriend in pursuit of a hedonistic single life, or jump into a relationship with the first willing fella that comes along. It means taking the time to identify what your needs really are, and making sure that each is being fulfilled in a way that balances out with the others.

Remember life is not a film

Even the most realistic chick flicks can paint a very rose-tinted picture of relationships. Remember that as you’re sat in the cinema seething because your boyfriend would never stand in the rain for hours / fight a swarm of village banditos/sacrifice his Xbox for you, every other girl there is thinking the same.

Remember that everybody rows

Yes, during those wonderful heady stages of a new relationship, it’s all pleases and thank yous and utmost consideration. But as a couple settle into comfortable familiarity, bickering over whose turn it is to cook can overtake those whispered sweet nothings. This is the natural progression of relationships, and just because John and Sally look like love personified when they’re out in public, it doesn’t mean they don’t also argue about wet towels left on the bed.

Remember why you are where you are

If you’re single, be patient: “There’s someone out there for everyone”, says Kate. So enjoy the ‘me-time’ you have while you wait for that someone – really get to know yourself before sharing your life with someone else. If you’re coupled-up, it’s because there was something about your bloke that attracted you to him when you met. Focus on that and do things together that remind you of why you fell for each other in the first place. Of course, if you’re really unhappy, it may well be time to join the single ranks, but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and not because you’ve got unrealistic ideas about love.

The post Think Everyone’s Love Life is Better Than Yours? Then You Need To Think Again appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(119) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/think-everyones-love-life-is-better-than-yours-then-you-need-to-think-again/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(719) "

Discontent is a dirty word. Thanks to an unending barrage of adverts depicting smiling, laughing couples, and the Hollywood machine churning out one rom-com after another, we’re constantly being presented with ideals of ‘perfection’. But can any of us honestly admit our love lives are as perfect and wonderful as the characters’ on the silver […]

The post Think Everyone’s Love Life is Better Than Yours? Then You Need To Think Again appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6943) "

Discontent is a dirty word. Thanks to an unending barrage of adverts depicting smiling, laughing couples, and the Hollywood machine churning out one rom-com after another, we’re constantly being presented with ideals of ‘perfection’. But can any of us honestly admit our love lives are as perfect and wonderful as the characters’ on the silver screen? Hardly. And would any of us admit it? Probably not.

But we can’t blame this on Hollywood entirely. If you’re bored in your long-term relationship, just seeing your newly loved-up mate glowing with happiness can lead you down a dark and murky path of self-questioning: ‘Why isn’t my bloke that romantic? Is he even right for me?’ Or if you’re single, your friends in long-term relationships – where there are hugs on tap and plans with parents – can leave you feeling lonely and unloved. Yet behind closed doors, those very friends may well be bored to tears with their familiar routine. This is ‘Grass is Greener’ syndrome, and unfortunately, it’s human nature.

“It’s instinctive for women to want to feel we are with the best possible mate”, says Kate Taylor, resident relationship expert. “We have so much choice in our lives today that we can get confused and look to our friends for reassurance or direction. We think, ‘Is she happier that me? Should I be following her path? Would that make me happier?’

But as Kate notes, it’s easy to only look at the bright side of our friends’ lives. Lucy, a 24 year-old administrator, says that she became disenchanted with her own relationship after continually comparing it to her best mate’s seemingly blissful love-life. “Every weekend with my boyfriend was the same. We’d go to the pub, then maybe shopping. Sometimes we’d have friends over. All the while my friend would tell me all about the overblown romantic gestures her bloke had made, and all the wonderful places he had taken her, and I started to think that perhaps my boyfriend wasn’t the one for me. Surely if he really loved me he’d be doing the same things?”

In the end, Lucy and her boyfriend split up, and Lucy admits that she’d rather have stayed with her boyfriend as they were than be single now: “I thought being single would give me the thrill of thinking that ‘the right one’ might be around the corner, but instead I just miss what I had.”

Conversely, it’s easy to see why couples can fall foul of the same thinking about their single mates – there’s more approval to be had from the opposite sex when you’re single, you get chatted up more and you flirt more than people in relationships do. “Hearing singleton’s tales of wild weekends can make previously blissful couples feel like their youth is passing them by,” says Kate. “‘I should be having wild-romps on yachts! Not spending the weekend comparing paint charts!'”. And this thinking can cause you to pick fights with your man, partly out of discontent – you focus purely on the negative – but partly, Kate says, because you might feel you have ‘nothing to lose’ because if you split up, you’d be single again, which might be what you actually want. But of course, says Kate, “Singletons rarely admit to having long lonely weekends in front of the TV with only a bag of Doritos for company. Couples hear a skewed version of events.”

So how can we find a happy balance? If we’re constantly eyeing up everyone else’s love lives, what chance do we have at ever being satisfied?

While feelings of envy can be potentially destructive (as was the case with Lucy), Kate believes it can be helpful and motivational, providing it jolts you into realising you need to make a change. “Every time you find yourself feeling envious of someone, dig down until you find what it is you wish you were doing, and do it! Envy can be a brilliant barometer of your secret yearnings, and you can use it as a catalyst to help you make some positive changes in your own life.”

Of course, this isn’t to say you should ditch your boyfriend in pursuit of a hedonistic single life, or jump into a relationship with the first willing fella that comes along. It means taking the time to identify what your needs really are, and making sure that each is being fulfilled in a way that balances out with the others.

Remember life is not a film

Even the most realistic chick flicks can paint a very rose-tinted picture of relationships. Remember that as you’re sat in the cinema seething because your boyfriend would never stand in the rain for hours / fight a swarm of village banditos/sacrifice his Xbox for you, every other girl there is thinking the same.

Remember that everybody rows

Yes, during those wonderful heady stages of a new relationship, it’s all pleases and thank yous and utmost consideration. But as a couple settle into comfortable familiarity, bickering over whose turn it is to cook can overtake those whispered sweet nothings. This is the natural progression of relationships, and just because John and Sally look like love personified when they’re out in public, it doesn’t mean they don’t also argue about wet towels left on the bed.

Remember why you are where you are

If you’re single, be patient: “There’s someone out there for everyone”, says Kate. So enjoy the ‘me-time’ you have while you wait for that someone – really get to know yourself before sharing your life with someone else. If you’re coupled-up, it’s because there was something about your bloke that attracted you to him when you met. Focus on that and do things together that remind you of why you fell for each other in the first place. Of course, if you’re really unhappy, it may well be time to join the single ranks, but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and not because you’ve got unrealistic ideas about love.

The post Think Everyone’s Love Life is Better Than Yours? Then You Need To Think Again appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601308694) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(46) "Five Questions Guaranteed To Ruin a First Date" ["link"]=> string(85) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/five-questions-guaranteed-to-ruin-a-first-date/" ["comments"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/five-questions-guaranteed-to-ruin-a-first-date/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:34:58 +0000" ["category"]=> string(33) "First Datesfirst datemoneywedding" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5941" ["description"]=> string(606) "

We all have questions that are first date staples, such as ‘What kind of music are you into?’ and perhaps the more unusual ‘If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?’ These kinds of questions encourage conversation and really help you get to know the other person. On the other hand, there are […]

The post Five Questions Guaranteed To Ruin a First Date appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3945) "

We all have questions that are first date staples, such as ‘What kind of music are you into?’ and perhaps the more unusual ‘If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?’ These kinds of questions encourage conversation and really help you get to know the other person.

On the other hand, there are some questions that should never be asked on a first date (and perhaps any following dates). Here are five questions that are guaranteed to ruin your chances of getting a second date.

1. So, how old are you?

The odd unexpected grey hair or wrinkle isn’t really worth offending your date over, is it? Unless you’re internet dating and your date looks completely different to the photo they posted (maybe you missed the flares and giant flower patterned shirt that gave away their heritage) this question is just plain rude. The answer of course is ‘Why does it matter?’

2. What do you like to get up to in the bedroom?

When a date’s going really well, the sexual tension is crackling and the wine is flowing, it can be tempting to start this conversation. In short, don’t. This is the point at which you need to remember that this person is still a stranger. Maybe alcohol is making you feel more confident than usual, but why risk offending your date? They might not be comfortable talking about the subject, or they might end up thinking you’re only after one thing. Come on, if things go really well you’ll get to find out at some point anyway!

3. What’s your wedding timeline?

First dates should be fun and frivolous; all silly conversations, flirting and giggles. Even if you’re not referring to you and your date specifically, asking questions about their future plans is a big no-no. If you’re asking the question because you’re just interested, think of something else (please!) If you’re asking because you want to know about their views on long-term relationships, try and find more subtle ways to detect this. Looking at their job, living arrangements and lifestyle should give you a good idea of whether your date is looking for something long term or just a bit of fun.

4. Can I borrow some money?

The more sensible of you might think ‘Surely no one ever asks that on a first date?’, but trust us, we’ve heard it all. As we said above, however comfortable you feel with your date, they’re virtually a stranger. Even if you plan on seeing them again, how do they know that? Also, you’re pretty much telling them you don’t know how to take care of yourself, which isn’t exactly an attractive quality.

5. Where have you been all my life? You’re the man I’ve been waiting for!

You should approach every date with the hope that it might lead to something more (otherwise, what are you doing going on a date with that person?) But don’t take this to the extreme; a first good date doesn’t mean this person is the love of your life. Even if you’ve had the best first date ever, hold back from saying anything too cringeworthy. Remember that different people take differing amounts of time to articulate their feelings.

The post Five Questions Guaranteed To Ruin a First Date appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(90) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/five-questions-guaranteed-to-ruin-a-first-date/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(606) "

We all have questions that are first date staples, such as ‘What kind of music are you into?’ and perhaps the more unusual ‘If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?’ These kinds of questions encourage conversation and really help you get to know the other person. On the other hand, there are […]

The post Five Questions Guaranteed To Ruin a First Date appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3945) "

We all have questions that are first date staples, such as ‘What kind of music are you into?’ and perhaps the more unusual ‘If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?’ These kinds of questions encourage conversation and really help you get to know the other person.

On the other hand, there are some questions that should never be asked on a first date (and perhaps any following dates). Here are five questions that are guaranteed to ruin your chances of getting a second date.

1. So, how old are you?

The odd unexpected grey hair or wrinkle isn’t really worth offending your date over, is it? Unless you’re internet dating and your date looks completely different to the photo they posted (maybe you missed the flares and giant flower patterned shirt that gave away their heritage) this question is just plain rude. The answer of course is ‘Why does it matter?’

2. What do you like to get up to in the bedroom?

When a date’s going really well, the sexual tension is crackling and the wine is flowing, it can be tempting to start this conversation. In short, don’t. This is the point at which you need to remember that this person is still a stranger. Maybe alcohol is making you feel more confident than usual, but why risk offending your date? They might not be comfortable talking about the subject, or they might end up thinking you’re only after one thing. Come on, if things go really well you’ll get to find out at some point anyway!

3. What’s your wedding timeline?

First dates should be fun and frivolous; all silly conversations, flirting and giggles. Even if you’re not referring to you and your date specifically, asking questions about their future plans is a big no-no. If you’re asking the question because you’re just interested, think of something else (please!) If you’re asking because you want to know about their views on long-term relationships, try and find more subtle ways to detect this. Looking at their job, living arrangements and lifestyle should give you a good idea of whether your date is looking for something long term or just a bit of fun.

4. Can I borrow some money?

The more sensible of you might think ‘Surely no one ever asks that on a first date?’, but trust us, we’ve heard it all. As we said above, however comfortable you feel with your date, they’re virtually a stranger. Even if you plan on seeing them again, how do they know that? Also, you’re pretty much telling them you don’t know how to take care of yourself, which isn’t exactly an attractive quality.

5. Where have you been all my life? You’re the man I’ve been waiting for!

You should approach every date with the hope that it might lead to something more (otherwise, what are you doing going on a date with that person?) But don’t take this to the extreme; a first good date doesn’t mean this person is the love of your life. Even if you’ve had the best first date ever, hold back from saying anything too cringeworthy. Remember that different people take differing amounts of time to articulate their feelings.

The post Five Questions Guaranteed To Ruin a First Date appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601307298) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(31) "How to Get Over a Love Hangover" ["link"]=> string(70) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/how-to-get-over-a-love-hangover/" ["comments"]=> string(78) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/how-to-get-over-a-love-hangover/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:29:32 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5936" ["description"]=> string(575) "

The residue of a past broken relationship can linger longer than you may realise. Here’s how to ditch the break-up baggage and move on. You don’t need me to tell you how difficult it can be to recover from a broken relationship. The loss can be bitterly consuming. The thought of surviving the next hour […]

The post How to Get Over a Love Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4806) "
The residue of a past broken relationship can linger longer than you may realise. Here’s how to ditch the break-up baggage and move on.

You don’t need me to tell you how difficult it can be to recover from a broken relationship. The loss can be bitterly consuming. The thought of surviving the next hour with sanity still intact can seem hard enough, let alone the next day, week or month.

Which is why, so often, when the first light at the end of the break-up tunnel appears, we race towards it, telling ourselves that we never have to go back to that dark place of rejection again.

And so off we go, convincing ourselves that the worst is behind us, only to discover somewhere down the line that, far from over, we have all the symptoms of a ‘love hangover’. You might have long said goodbye – and quite possibly good riddance – to the ex, but the residual effects of a failed romance stick around like an unwanted reminder of the night (or nightmare break-up) before.

The lingering aftermath

“Although you can end the physical attachment very quickly, the emotional attachment takes longer,” agrees Paula Hall of relationship counselling group Relate. “And if that’s been a difficult relationship, there may be some scars.”

Failing to acknowledge these emotional scars could mean that you make mistakes in future relationship choices. Developing a penchant for remote or unavailable men, deciding to opt out of the romance rat race once and for all or even, notes Hall, finding yourself settling “for Mr Reliable, Mr Boring, who’s not really your type but [who makes you] feel safe,” are all classic indicators of the emotionally hungover.

Tempting as it is when a relationship’s over to patch ourselves up and race back into the fray, only to make a similar (or worse!) mistake again, what’s really needed is for us to make the space and time to truly acknowledge what effect our past relationships have had.

A break-up is a bereavement of sorts and, like any significant loss, there are five recognised stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – that we all have to go through to be ready to move on. But to avoid a love hangover there’s another vital stage – understanding – we need to clear before we can honestly say we’re, if not cured, then at least ready to move on.

By “analysing your motives and understanding what went wrong,” confirms Hall, you will learn to recognise – and in time come to terms with – “what part you played in the break-up and what was down to them.”

It’s only through understanding what really went wrong in our past relationship, what we’re afraid of bringing to our next one and what we would or wouldn’t want to repeat again, that we are finally able to banish a love hangover for good. Consider it an emotional detox. Your future relationships will thank you for it.

The hangover antidote

The way to a cure is to follow these steps:

1. Assess

Look for patterns in your relationship behaviour that might indicate unresolved issues from a previous relationship. Are you always falling for the ‘wrong’ guy? You may be suffering from a love hangover.

2. Analyse

Be honest – what went wrong? Don’t beat yourself up or get stuck on who is to blame; use this as an opportunity to come to terms with what happened properly.

3. Understand

By recognising your own strengths and weaknesses you will be better equipped to face future relationship fears. Knowing what you want (or at least what you don’t!) helps teach you to recognise good romantic opportunities from bad.

4. Move on

Be open to new things and be honest with yourself about the decisions you make. It’s never easy to start again; you need to make sure that when you do, it’s for the right reasons and with the right person – even if he’s only Mr Right Now.

The post How to Get Over a Love Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(75) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/how-to-get-over-a-love-hangover/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(575) "

The residue of a past broken relationship can linger longer than you may realise. Here’s how to ditch the break-up baggage and move on. You don’t need me to tell you how difficult it can be to recover from a broken relationship. The loss can be bitterly consuming. The thought of surviving the next hour […]

The post How to Get Over a Love Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4806) "
The residue of a past broken relationship can linger longer than you may realise. Here’s how to ditch the break-up baggage and move on.

You don’t need me to tell you how difficult it can be to recover from a broken relationship. The loss can be bitterly consuming. The thought of surviving the next hour with sanity still intact can seem hard enough, let alone the next day, week or month.

Which is why, so often, when the first light at the end of the break-up tunnel appears, we race towards it, telling ourselves that we never have to go back to that dark place of rejection again.

And so off we go, convincing ourselves that the worst is behind us, only to discover somewhere down the line that, far from over, we have all the symptoms of a ‘love hangover’. You might have long said goodbye – and quite possibly good riddance – to the ex, but the residual effects of a failed romance stick around like an unwanted reminder of the night (or nightmare break-up) before.

The lingering aftermath

“Although you can end the physical attachment very quickly, the emotional attachment takes longer,” agrees Paula Hall of relationship counselling group Relate. “And if that’s been a difficult relationship, there may be some scars.”

Failing to acknowledge these emotional scars could mean that you make mistakes in future relationship choices. Developing a penchant for remote or unavailable men, deciding to opt out of the romance rat race once and for all or even, notes Hall, finding yourself settling “for Mr Reliable, Mr Boring, who’s not really your type but [who makes you] feel safe,” are all classic indicators of the emotionally hungover.

Tempting as it is when a relationship’s over to patch ourselves up and race back into the fray, only to make a similar (or worse!) mistake again, what’s really needed is for us to make the space and time to truly acknowledge what effect our past relationships have had.

A break-up is a bereavement of sorts and, like any significant loss, there are five recognised stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – that we all have to go through to be ready to move on. But to avoid a love hangover there’s another vital stage – understanding – we need to clear before we can honestly say we’re, if not cured, then at least ready to move on.

By “analysing your motives and understanding what went wrong,” confirms Hall, you will learn to recognise – and in time come to terms with – “what part you played in the break-up and what was down to them.”

It’s only through understanding what really went wrong in our past relationship, what we’re afraid of bringing to our next one and what we would or wouldn’t want to repeat again, that we are finally able to banish a love hangover for good. Consider it an emotional detox. Your future relationships will thank you for it.

The hangover antidote

The way to a cure is to follow these steps:

1. Assess

Look for patterns in your relationship behaviour that might indicate unresolved issues from a previous relationship. Are you always falling for the ‘wrong’ guy? You may be suffering from a love hangover.

2. Analyse

Be honest – what went wrong? Don’t beat yourself up or get stuck on who is to blame; use this as an opportunity to come to terms with what happened properly.

3. Understand

By recognising your own strengths and weaknesses you will be better equipped to face future relationship fears. Knowing what you want (or at least what you don’t!) helps teach you to recognise good romantic opportunities from bad.

4. Move on

Be open to new things and be honest with yourself about the decisions you make. It’s never easy to start again; you need to make sure that when you do, it’s for the right reasons and with the right person – even if he’s only Mr Right Now.

The post How to Get Over a Love Hangover appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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What you need to know to be a real adult. When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at […]

The post The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(16348) "

What you need to know to be a real adult.

When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.

1. You Have Time to Find a Job You Love

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.

When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

2. Get Out of Debt and Stay Out of Debt

Part of being a healthy, mature adult is learning to live within your means all the time, even if that means going without things you think you need, or doing work you don’t love for a while to be responsible financially. The ability to adjust your spending according to your income is a skill that will serve you your whole life.

There will be times when you have more money than you need. In those seasons, tithe as always, save like crazy, and then let yourself buy fancy shampoo or an iPad or whatever it is you really get a kick out of. When the money’s not rolling in, buy your shampoo from the grocery store and eat eggs instead of steak—a much cheaper way to get protein. If you can get the hang of living within your means all the time—always tithing, never going into debt—you’ll be ahead of the game when life surprises you with bad financial news.

I know a lot of people who have bright, passionate dreams but who can’t give their lives to those dreams because of the debt they carry. Don’t miss out on a great adventure God calls you to because you’ve been careless about debt.

3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible.

But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. I’m thankful to be celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary this summer, but at the same time, I have a fair amount of friends whose marriages are ending—friends whose weddings we danced at, whose wedding cake we ate, whose rings we oohed-and-aahed over but that have been taken off fingers a long time ago.

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space.

I’m kind of a broken record on this. My younger friends will tell you I say the same things over and over when they talk to me about love, things like, “He seems great—what’s the rush?” and, “Yes, I like her—give it a year.” And they’ve heard this one a million times: “Time is on your side.” Really, it is.

4. Give Your Best to Friends and Family

While twentysomethings can sometimes spend a little too much energy on dating and marriage, they probably spend too little energy on friendships and family. That girl you just met and now text 76 times a day probably won’t be a part of your life in 10 years, but the guys you lived with in college, if you keep investing in them, will be friends for a lifetime. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting.

Family is a tricky thing in your 20s—to learn how to be an adult out on your own but to also maintain a healthy relationship with your parents—but those relationships are really, really worth investing in. I have a new vantage point on this now that I’m a parent. When my parents momentarily forget I’m an adult, I remind myself that someday this little boy of ours will drive a car, get a job and buy a home. I know that even then it will be hard not to scrape his hair across his forehead or tell him his eyes are looking sleepy, and I give my parents a break for still seeing me as their little girl every once in a while.

5. Get Some Counseling

Twenty-five is also a great time to get into counseling if you haven’t already, or begin round two of counseling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Some people believe emotional and psychological issues should be solved through traditional spiritual means—that prayer and pastoral guidance are all that’s necessary when facing issues of mental health. I disagree. We generally trust medical doctors to help us heal from physical ailments. We can and should trust counselors and therapists to help us resolve emotional and psychological issues. Many pastors have no training in counseling, and while they care deeply about what you’re facing, sometimes the best gift they can give you is a referral to a therapist who does have the education to help you.

Faith and counseling aren’t at odds with one another. Spiritual growth and emotional health are both part of God’s desire for us. Counseling—like time with a mentor, personal scriptural study, a small group experience and outside reading—can help you grow, and can help you connect more deeply with God.

So let your pastor do his or her thing, and let the person who has an advanced degree in mental health help you with yours.

6. Seek Out a Mentor

One of the most valuable relationships you can cultivate in your 20s is a mentoring relationship with someone who’s a little older, a little wiser, someone who can be a listening ear and sounding board during a high change season. When I look back on my life from 22 to 26, some of the most significant growth occurred as a direct result of the time I spent with my mentor, Nancy.

The best way to find a mentor is to ask, and then to work with the parameters they give you. If someone does agree to meet with you, let it be on their terms. Nancy and I met on Wednesdays at 7 in the morning. I guarantee that was not my preference. But it was what worked for her life, so once a month I dragged myself out of the house in what felt to me like the dead of night. It also helps to keep it to a limited-time period. It’s a lot to ask of someone to meet once a month until the end of time. But a one-year commitment feels pretty manageable for most people, and you can both decide to sign on for another year or not, depending on the connection you’ve made.

7. Be a Part of a Church

Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.

8. Find a Rhythm for Spiritual Disciplines

Going out into “the real world” after high school or college affects more than just your professional life. Where once you had free time, a flexible schedule and built-in community, now you have one hour for lunch, 10 days max to “skip” work and co-workers who are all over the place in age, stage of life and religion.

In those first few years of work-life, it’s easy to get too busy, too stressed and too disconnected to keep up spiritual habits you may have built in school. Figuring out how to stay close to God and to grow that relationship through activities and disciplines that complement your new schedule is critical for life now—and those habits will serve you for years to come.

One of the best routines I adopted in my 20s was a monthly solitude day. In addition to my daily prayer time, I found I lived better if once a month I took the time to pray, read, rest and write, to ask myself about the choices I’d made in the past month and to ask for God’s guidance in the month to come. Some of the most important decisions I made in that season of life became clear as a result of that monthly commitment.

9. Volunteer

Give of your time and energy to make the world better in a way that doesn’t benefit you directly. Teach Sunday school, build houses with Habitat for Humanity, serve at a food pantry or clean up beaches on Saturdays.

It’s easy to get caught up in your own big life and big plan in your 20s—you’re building a career, building an identity, building for a future. Find some place in your life where you’re building for a purpose that’s bigger than your own life or plan.

When you’re serving on behalf of a cause you’re passionate about, you’ll also connect in a deep way with the people you’re serving with, and those connections can yield some of your most significant friendships.

When you serve as a volunteer, you can gain experience for future careers. Instead of, for example, quitting your banking job to pursue full-time ministry, volunteer to lead a small group, and see where it goes from there. Use volunteer experiences to learn about causes and fields you’re interested in, and consider using your vacation time to serve globally.

10. Feed Yourself and the People You Love

If you can master these things, you’re off to a really great start: eggs, soup, a fantastic sandwich or burger, guacamole and some killer cookies. A few hints: The secret to great eggs is really low heat, and the trick to guacamole is lime juice—loads of it. Almost every soup starts the same way: onion, garlic, carrot, celery, stock.

People used to know how to make this list and more, but for all sorts of reasons, sometime in the last 60 or so years, convenience became more important than cooking and people began resorting to fake food (ever had GU?), fast food and frozen food. I literally had to call my mom from my first apartment because I didn’t know if you baked a potato for five minutes or two hours.

The act of feeding oneself is a skill every person can benefit from, and some of the most sacred moments in life happen when we gather around the table. The time we spend around the table, sharing meals and sharing stories, is significant, transforming time.

Learn to cook. Invite new and old friends to dinner. Practice hospitality and generosity. No one cares if they have to sit on lawn furniture, bring their own forks or drink out of a Mayor McCheese glass from 1982. What people want is to be heard and fed and nourished, physically and otherwise—to stop for just a little bit and have someone look them in the eye and listen to their stories and dreams. Make time for the table, and you’ll find it to be more than worth it every time.

11. Don’t Get Stuck

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe God is good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned.
Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

The post The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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What you need to know to be a real adult. When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at […]

The post The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(16348) "

What you need to know to be a real adult.

When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.

1. You Have Time to Find a Job You Love

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.

When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

2. Get Out of Debt and Stay Out of Debt

Part of being a healthy, mature adult is learning to live within your means all the time, even if that means going without things you think you need, or doing work you don’t love for a while to be responsible financially. The ability to adjust your spending according to your income is a skill that will serve you your whole life.

There will be times when you have more money than you need. In those seasons, tithe as always, save like crazy, and then let yourself buy fancy shampoo or an iPad or whatever it is you really get a kick out of. When the money’s not rolling in, buy your shampoo from the grocery store and eat eggs instead of steak—a much cheaper way to get protein. If you can get the hang of living within your means all the time—always tithing, never going into debt—you’ll be ahead of the game when life surprises you with bad financial news.

I know a lot of people who have bright, passionate dreams but who can’t give their lives to those dreams because of the debt they carry. Don’t miss out on a great adventure God calls you to because you’ve been careless about debt.

3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible.

But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. I’m thankful to be celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary this summer, but at the same time, I have a fair amount of friends whose marriages are ending—friends whose weddings we danced at, whose wedding cake we ate, whose rings we oohed-and-aahed over but that have been taken off fingers a long time ago.

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship.

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space.

I’m kind of a broken record on this. My younger friends will tell you I say the same things over and over when they talk to me about love, things like, “He seems great—what’s the rush?” and, “Yes, I like her—give it a year.” And they’ve heard this one a million times: “Time is on your side.” Really, it is.

4. Give Your Best to Friends and Family

While twentysomethings can sometimes spend a little too much energy on dating and marriage, they probably spend too little energy on friendships and family. That girl you just met and now text 76 times a day probably won’t be a part of your life in 10 years, but the guys you lived with in college, if you keep investing in them, will be friends for a lifetime. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting.

Family is a tricky thing in your 20s—to learn how to be an adult out on your own but to also maintain a healthy relationship with your parents—but those relationships are really, really worth investing in. I have a new vantage point on this now that I’m a parent. When my parents momentarily forget I’m an adult, I remind myself that someday this little boy of ours will drive a car, get a job and buy a home. I know that even then it will be hard not to scrape his hair across his forehead or tell him his eyes are looking sleepy, and I give my parents a break for still seeing me as their little girl every once in a while.

5. Get Some Counseling

Twenty-five is also a great time to get into counseling if you haven’t already, or begin round two of counseling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Some people believe emotional and psychological issues should be solved through traditional spiritual means—that prayer and pastoral guidance are all that’s necessary when facing issues of mental health. I disagree. We generally trust medical doctors to help us heal from physical ailments. We can and should trust counselors and therapists to help us resolve emotional and psychological issues. Many pastors have no training in counseling, and while they care deeply about what you’re facing, sometimes the best gift they can give you is a referral to a therapist who does have the education to help you.

Faith and counseling aren’t at odds with one another. Spiritual growth and emotional health are both part of God’s desire for us. Counseling—like time with a mentor, personal scriptural study, a small group experience and outside reading—can help you grow, and can help you connect more deeply with God.

So let your pastor do his or her thing, and let the person who has an advanced degree in mental health help you with yours.

6. Seek Out a Mentor

One of the most valuable relationships you can cultivate in your 20s is a mentoring relationship with someone who’s a little older, a little wiser, someone who can be a listening ear and sounding board during a high change season. When I look back on my life from 22 to 26, some of the most significant growth occurred as a direct result of the time I spent with my mentor, Nancy.

The best way to find a mentor is to ask, and then to work with the parameters they give you. If someone does agree to meet with you, let it be on their terms. Nancy and I met on Wednesdays at 7 in the morning. I guarantee that was not my preference. But it was what worked for her life, so once a month I dragged myself out of the house in what felt to me like the dead of night. It also helps to keep it to a limited-time period. It’s a lot to ask of someone to meet once a month until the end of time. But a one-year commitment feels pretty manageable for most people, and you can both decide to sign on for another year or not, depending on the connection you’ve made.

7. Be a Part of a Church

Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you.

8. Find a Rhythm for Spiritual Disciplines

Going out into “the real world” after high school or college affects more than just your professional life. Where once you had free time, a flexible schedule and built-in community, now you have one hour for lunch, 10 days max to “skip” work and co-workers who are all over the place in age, stage of life and religion.

In those first few years of work-life, it’s easy to get too busy, too stressed and too disconnected to keep up spiritual habits you may have built in school. Figuring out how to stay close to God and to grow that relationship through activities and disciplines that complement your new schedule is critical for life now—and those habits will serve you for years to come.

One of the best routines I adopted in my 20s was a monthly solitude day. In addition to my daily prayer time, I found I lived better if once a month I took the time to pray, read, rest and write, to ask myself about the choices I’d made in the past month and to ask for God’s guidance in the month to come. Some of the most important decisions I made in that season of life became clear as a result of that monthly commitment.

9. Volunteer

Give of your time and energy to make the world better in a way that doesn’t benefit you directly. Teach Sunday school, build houses with Habitat for Humanity, serve at a food pantry or clean up beaches on Saturdays.

It’s easy to get caught up in your own big life and big plan in your 20s—you’re building a career, building an identity, building for a future. Find some place in your life where you’re building for a purpose that’s bigger than your own life or plan.

When you’re serving on behalf of a cause you’re passionate about, you’ll also connect in a deep way with the people you’re serving with, and those connections can yield some of your most significant friendships.

When you serve as a volunteer, you can gain experience for future careers. Instead of, for example, quitting your banking job to pursue full-time ministry, volunteer to lead a small group, and see where it goes from there. Use volunteer experiences to learn about causes and fields you’re interested in, and consider using your vacation time to serve globally.

10. Feed Yourself and the People You Love

If you can master these things, you’re off to a really great start: eggs, soup, a fantastic sandwich or burger, guacamole and some killer cookies. A few hints: The secret to great eggs is really low heat, and the trick to guacamole is lime juice—loads of it. Almost every soup starts the same way: onion, garlic, carrot, celery, stock.

People used to know how to make this list and more, but for all sorts of reasons, sometime in the last 60 or so years, convenience became more important than cooking and people began resorting to fake food (ever had GU?), fast food and frozen food. I literally had to call my mom from my first apartment because I didn’t know if you baked a potato for five minutes or two hours.

The act of feeding oneself is a skill every person can benefit from, and some of the most sacred moments in life happen when we gather around the table. The time we spend around the table, sharing meals and sharing stories, is significant, transforming time.

Learn to cook. Invite new and old friends to dinner. Practice hospitality and generosity. No one cares if they have to sit on lawn furniture, bring their own forks or drink out of a Mayor McCheese glass from 1982. What people want is to be heard and fed and nourished, physically and otherwise—to stop for just a little bit and have someone look them in the eye and listen to their stories and dreams. Make time for the table, and you’ll find it to be more than worth it every time.

11. Don’t Get Stuck

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe God is good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned.
Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

The post The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601305109) } [7]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(46) "Bragging About Your Dysfunctional Relationship" ["link"]=> string(85) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/bragging-about-your-dysfunctional-relationship/" ["comments"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/bragging-about-your-dysfunctional-relationship/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 14:28:52 +0000" ["category"]=> string(19) "Relationship Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5930" ["description"]=> string(553) "

Last night I was out with one of my favorite couples in the world. I met Julie in late 2009 when I moved to Iowa to attend the University. In 2011, she moved to New York and met Gerard. And, as luck would have it, they both called me a short while after and asked […]

The post Bragging About Your Dysfunctional Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5355) "

Last night I was out with one of my favorite couples in the world. I met Julie in late 2009 when I moved to Iowa to attend the University. In 2011, she moved to New York and met Gerard. And, as luck would have it, they both called me a short while after and asked me to move in with them in a beautiful brownstone in Brooklyn. (Did I just invent my first tongue twister?) I moved to New York in July of 2011 and my life dream of being a gay Mexican actor was about to come true, but Osama Bin Laden had other plans because two months later, he messed up my call-back audition on September 11.

Julie and Gerard moved to Texas about seven years ago and I’ve been fending on my own in the big city ever since. And reconnecting with them last night–as this was their first time in four years to be away from their two beautiful daughters–brought back so many good memories and I couldn’t wait to introduce them to my boyfriend for two reasons: one–they’re both extraordinary loving people and two–they’ve defined what a loving relationship looks like for me and I wanted my boyfriend to see it “live” in action.  They’re just so adorable together, and for me, it’s a meter of how a couple that’s been together since 2011 still likes being around one another. I know Julie’s going to kill me for saying this, but Gerard did the most romantic and loving gesture a married man could ever do–he rushed out to get condoms after dinner like an excited 13-year-old boy about to have his first experience. You can’t fake stuff like that. There was gonna be come celebrating in Soho last night, Texas-style!

During drinks, I flashed on another couple that my boyfriend and I had recently gone to dinner with who bragged about being together for over 15 years–and I would have gladly celebrated their lengthly partnership except for one thing, they couldn’t stand to be around one another. Maybe we caught them on a bad night–we all have them, but just as Julie and Gerard couldn’t fake their genuine “like” for one another, this pair couldn’t hide their disgust for theirs. The conversation went from how they didn’t trust one another to the random cell phone checks they conducted and explicit programs they used to break into each others e-mail accounts in order to check for infidelities–which they both fessed up to that evening–can you say awkward dinner entertainment? (Although, being Mexican and growing up watching Novelas, this was my cup of tea!)  I guess there were small moments of tenderness when they both agreed that their passwords to several of their accounts were each other’s names. Their story reminded me of another couple I meet four years ago who’d been together for 12-years and also rejoiced about their lengthy union to anyone who’d listen but also couldn’t stand to be in the same room together or they’d start insulting one another in a way that escalated from a funny jab about bad breath to someone having to call 911 to separate them. When did relationships become a contest and the prize is awarded to the last couple standing?

I’ve been in a few toxic relationships and it took time for me to leave but I was also younger then, now, at my age, I don’t have the energy to be involved with someone I didn’t want to be around. That’s why my boyfriend and I, after each month ask one another, “Do you wanna go for another month?” We discuss “why” but we also talk about improvements for the next month. Sounds very un-romantic, but it’s actually helpful because we speak open and honestly. When I told Gerard, he said, “You two sound like alcoholics taking it one day at a time.” And I guess the concept is similar, but it’s also taking responsibility and actively accomplishing out relationship motto which is to have fun. We decided a while back, that when we stop having fun with one another, it’s time to move on. Six months is early, we’re not trying to fool anyone into thinking we have the perfect relationship–but in six months we’ve also experienced a  few hardships that have strengthened our bond. A relationship isn’t always going to be fun, that’s life–but when your life is no longer fun because of the relationship you’re in–that’s not healthy, for anyone.

For couples celebrating a lengthy union, instead of focusing on the numbers of years you’ve been together, focus on the amounts of times you make each other laugh in a day or the number of compliment you give one another in a week; those are some real numbers you should be tracking. And Julie and Gerard, thanks for the “in-person” live seminar on how to treat your partner with love, respect, and genuine “like” for one another. We learned a lot.

The post Bragging About Your Dysfunctional Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Last night I was out with one of my favorite couples in the world. I met Julie in late 2009 when I moved to Iowa to attend the University. In 2011, she moved to New York and met Gerard. And, as luck would have it, they both called me a short while after and asked […]

The post Bragging About Your Dysfunctional Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5355) "

Last night I was out with one of my favorite couples in the world. I met Julie in late 2009 when I moved to Iowa to attend the University. In 2011, she moved to New York and met Gerard. And, as luck would have it, they both called me a short while after and asked me to move in with them in a beautiful brownstone in Brooklyn. (Did I just invent my first tongue twister?) I moved to New York in July of 2011 and my life dream of being a gay Mexican actor was about to come true, but Osama Bin Laden had other plans because two months later, he messed up my call-back audition on September 11.

Julie and Gerard moved to Texas about seven years ago and I’ve been fending on my own in the big city ever since. And reconnecting with them last night–as this was their first time in four years to be away from their two beautiful daughters–brought back so many good memories and I couldn’t wait to introduce them to my boyfriend for two reasons: one–they’re both extraordinary loving people and two–they’ve defined what a loving relationship looks like for me and I wanted my boyfriend to see it “live” in action.  They’re just so adorable together, and for me, it’s a meter of how a couple that’s been together since 2011 still likes being around one another. I know Julie’s going to kill me for saying this, but Gerard did the most romantic and loving gesture a married man could ever do–he rushed out to get condoms after dinner like an excited 13-year-old boy about to have his first experience. You can’t fake stuff like that. There was gonna be come celebrating in Soho last night, Texas-style!

During drinks, I flashed on another couple that my boyfriend and I had recently gone to dinner with who bragged about being together for over 15 years–and I would have gladly celebrated their lengthly partnership except for one thing, they couldn’t stand to be around one another. Maybe we caught them on a bad night–we all have them, but just as Julie and Gerard couldn’t fake their genuine “like” for one another, this pair couldn’t hide their disgust for theirs. The conversation went from how they didn’t trust one another to the random cell phone checks they conducted and explicit programs they used to break into each others e-mail accounts in order to check for infidelities–which they both fessed up to that evening–can you say awkward dinner entertainment? (Although, being Mexican and growing up watching Novelas, this was my cup of tea!)  I guess there were small moments of tenderness when they both agreed that their passwords to several of their accounts were each other’s names. Their story reminded me of another couple I meet four years ago who’d been together for 12-years and also rejoiced about their lengthy union to anyone who’d listen but also couldn’t stand to be in the same room together or they’d start insulting one another in a way that escalated from a funny jab about bad breath to someone having to call 911 to separate them. When did relationships become a contest and the prize is awarded to the last couple standing?

I’ve been in a few toxic relationships and it took time for me to leave but I was also younger then, now, at my age, I don’t have the energy to be involved with someone I didn’t want to be around. That’s why my boyfriend and I, after each month ask one another, “Do you wanna go for another month?” We discuss “why” but we also talk about improvements for the next month. Sounds very un-romantic, but it’s actually helpful because we speak open and honestly. When I told Gerard, he said, “You two sound like alcoholics taking it one day at a time.” And I guess the concept is similar, but it’s also taking responsibility and actively accomplishing out relationship motto which is to have fun. We decided a while back, that when we stop having fun with one another, it’s time to move on. Six months is early, we’re not trying to fool anyone into thinking we have the perfect relationship–but in six months we’ve also experienced a  few hardships that have strengthened our bond. A relationship isn’t always going to be fun, that’s life–but when your life is no longer fun because of the relationship you’re in–that’s not healthy, for anyone.

For couples celebrating a lengthy union, instead of focusing on the numbers of years you’ve been together, focus on the amounts of times you make each other laugh in a day or the number of compliment you give one another in a week; those are some real numbers you should be tracking. And Julie and Gerard, thanks for the “in-person” live seminar on how to treat your partner with love, respect, and genuine “like” for one another. We learned a lot.

The post Bragging About Your Dysfunctional Relationship appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601303332) } [8]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(24) "Top 5 Relationship Myths" ["link"]=> string(63) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-5-relationship-myths/" ["comments"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-5-relationship-myths/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 14:19:23 +0000" ["category"]=> string(54) "Relationship AdvicemythsRelationshipRelationship Myths" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5926" ["description"]=> string(601) "

If you really want to embrace your singlehood, stop dating–invest in yourself, take a meditation class, improve your self-awareness, but don’t spew out one-sided information about loving your single status yet working even harder to snatch a man; this mixed belief is called cognitive dissonance. Google it. Here are the top 5 1. A Great Relationship […]

The post Top 5 Relationship Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4897) "

If you really want to embrace your singlehood, stop dating–invest in yourself, take a meditation class, improve your self-awareness, but don’t spew out one-sided information about loving your single status yet working even harder to snatch a man; this mixed belief is called cognitive dissonance. Google it.

Here are the top 5

1. A Great Relationship means you never fight. FALSE. I hate to break it to you, but when you deal with another living, breathing human–there will be fights. And I’m not talking physical–if you’re in a relationship with a Chris Brown or Ike Turner, that’s not healthy or sexy, but I’m referring to disagreeing with one another. For us, it’s fighting over the cell phone, my cell phone. See, Big Daddy will sometimes call or text me and on those rare occasions, my phone is in my bag or pocket or in another room. So he feels ignored. When I finally see the missed call or text, I will return it promptly, but according to him, I’m readily available to all my friends. This has been a revolving fight since day 5. I’ve gotten used to it, he, on the other hand, still needs to be broken in.

2. A Great Relationship means you always agree. FALSE. I can’t stand listening to Jennifer Lopez, on-screen or on an iPod but when Big Daddy starts to clean the house, he pops on his iPod and who comes blasting through, Miss J-Lo herself. But it doesn’t stop there, he’s got Thalia, and several music that I call the Latin Gay collection. If you stop any Latin Gay on the street and frisk him for his musical contraption, you will find this exact playlist. But, I’m not gonna attack him or the dust bunnies floating around the apartment. Instead, I plug in my headphone and rock out to something else.

3. A Great Relationships means you sacrifice who you are for the other person. FALSE. I never had to sacrifice myself in any area–in fact, people crave more personal stories from me now that I’m in a relationship. But on a grander scale, even my work has grown because of my relationship with him, he now comes along for the ride but manages to pull his own weight. When I attend a blogger event or get asked to do a speaking engagement, he usually gets hired right along with me to be the main photographer. And in an even broader sense, me, the individual, has grown. Anyone who knows me understands that I’m Godzilla. There’s no stopping me when it comes to my goals, loud-mouth, or crazy ideas–and because I actually brought someone in my life who is okay with that–it inspires me to greater heights. And I reciprocate that attribute so I don’t feel less than, in fact, I feel more of. And that’s a wonderful thing to nourish in a relationship.

4. A Great Relationship means never going to bed angry. FALSE. We tried this for a week, then reality set in. Guess what people, some arguments start at 11pm and that means someone’s going to bed angry. There’s not a relationship fairy who waves her wand at the stroke of midnight and then cast happy relationship dust over the couple and anger automatically changes to blossoms or love and tidal waves of understanding. If it does, send her my way, because Bid Daddy and I have never seen her. I don’t advise it or recommend it, but in life, and when in a relationship–you sometimes do go to bed angry but it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing–it just means it’s real.

5. A Great relationship means you have nonstop SEX. Good Lord, FALSE. I see my man and I see such a handsome and charming guy–but them I want him off me. I have work, I have personal goals, I have friendships to nurture, and I have stressors like any other Gay, Adopted, Mexican–so that means sex is not on the daily agenda . Oh, it’s up there–on the schedule–who doesn’t enjoy a sexy romp in the hay, especially with out Calvin Klein bedding–but daily, no. Sometimes I send him away to watch porn and get out of my hair. That’s a reality. Are we sex deprived? Nope. Trust me, I know how to throw down in the bedroom so that my man keeps that smile on his face–but he also needs to learn to make himself smile–if you know what I mean, and I think you do. I love you Big Daddy!

The post Top 5 Relationship Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(68) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-5-relationship-myths/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(601) "

If you really want to embrace your singlehood, stop dating–invest in yourself, take a meditation class, improve your self-awareness, but don’t spew out one-sided information about loving your single status yet working even harder to snatch a man; this mixed belief is called cognitive dissonance. Google it. Here are the top 5 1. A Great Relationship […]

The post Top 5 Relationship Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4897) "

If you really want to embrace your singlehood, stop dating–invest in yourself, take a meditation class, improve your self-awareness, but don’t spew out one-sided information about loving your single status yet working even harder to snatch a man; this mixed belief is called cognitive dissonance. Google it.

Here are the top 5

1. A Great Relationship means you never fight. FALSE. I hate to break it to you, but when you deal with another living, breathing human–there will be fights. And I’m not talking physical–if you’re in a relationship with a Chris Brown or Ike Turner, that’s not healthy or sexy, but I’m referring to disagreeing with one another. For us, it’s fighting over the cell phone, my cell phone. See, Big Daddy will sometimes call or text me and on those rare occasions, my phone is in my bag or pocket or in another room. So he feels ignored. When I finally see the missed call or text, I will return it promptly, but according to him, I’m readily available to all my friends. This has been a revolving fight since day 5. I’ve gotten used to it, he, on the other hand, still needs to be broken in.

2. A Great Relationship means you always agree. FALSE. I can’t stand listening to Jennifer Lopez, on-screen or on an iPod but when Big Daddy starts to clean the house, he pops on his iPod and who comes blasting through, Miss J-Lo herself. But it doesn’t stop there, he’s got Thalia, and several music that I call the Latin Gay collection. If you stop any Latin Gay on the street and frisk him for his musical contraption, you will find this exact playlist. But, I’m not gonna attack him or the dust bunnies floating around the apartment. Instead, I plug in my headphone and rock out to something else.

3. A Great Relationships means you sacrifice who you are for the other person. FALSE. I never had to sacrifice myself in any area–in fact, people crave more personal stories from me now that I’m in a relationship. But on a grander scale, even my work has grown because of my relationship with him, he now comes along for the ride but manages to pull his own weight. When I attend a blogger event or get asked to do a speaking engagement, he usually gets hired right along with me to be the main photographer. And in an even broader sense, me, the individual, has grown. Anyone who knows me understands that I’m Godzilla. There’s no stopping me when it comes to my goals, loud-mouth, or crazy ideas–and because I actually brought someone in my life who is okay with that–it inspires me to greater heights. And I reciprocate that attribute so I don’t feel less than, in fact, I feel more of. And that’s a wonderful thing to nourish in a relationship.

4. A Great Relationship means never going to bed angry. FALSE. We tried this for a week, then reality set in. Guess what people, some arguments start at 11pm and that means someone’s going to bed angry. There’s not a relationship fairy who waves her wand at the stroke of midnight and then cast happy relationship dust over the couple and anger automatically changes to blossoms or love and tidal waves of understanding. If it does, send her my way, because Bid Daddy and I have never seen her. I don’t advise it or recommend it, but in life, and when in a relationship–you sometimes do go to bed angry but it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing–it just means it’s real.

5. A Great relationship means you have nonstop SEX. Good Lord, FALSE. I see my man and I see such a handsome and charming guy–but them I want him off me. I have work, I have personal goals, I have friendships to nurture, and I have stressors like any other Gay, Adopted, Mexican–so that means sex is not on the daily agenda . Oh, it’s up there–on the schedule–who doesn’t enjoy a sexy romp in the hay, especially with out Calvin Klein bedding–but daily, no. Sometimes I send him away to watch porn and get out of my hair. That’s a reality. Are we sex deprived? Nope. Trust me, I know how to throw down in the bedroom so that my man keeps that smile on his face–but he also needs to learn to make himself smile–if you know what I mean, and I think you do. I love you Big Daddy!

The post Top 5 Relationship Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1601302763) } [9]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(29) "Top 10 Jobs That Get You Laid" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-10-jobs-that-get-you-laid/" ["comments"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-10-jobs-that-get-you-laid/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 28 Sep 2020 13:42:41 +0000" ["category"]=> string(13) "Dating Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=5924" ["description"]=> string(545) "

The best part about is that you don’t need to give up on your career to do these, you can easily do them part time, in the summer, or just once in a while. Pub Crawl Leader The job implies taking people on a bar tour around your location. Usually it’s about 20 dollars/pounds/euros per […]

The post Top 10 Jobs That Get You Laid appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7616) "

The best part about is that you don’t need to give up on your career to do these, you can easily do them part time, in the summer, or just once in a while.

Pub Crawl Leader

The job implies taking people on a bar tour around your location. Usually it’s about 20 dollars/pounds/euros per tour. You take them from one bar to the other and they get a free T-shirt and a shot in each of them. It gets to about 20-60 people (half male half female) and that’s it.

I have personally done this job in my University days. It gets you laid because you are the leader and you take them to different places to have fun and get drunk. Because you are doing this regularly there’s tons of social proof from bartenders and bouncers that only boost your persona. After a couple of shots one of the girls will be making out with you. This job can get you laid every single night you do a pub crawl unless, you’re a monster or too tired to have sex.

I was doing this 2 times a week and usually getting laid in both nights. It depends on the location if it’s a tourist destination this can happen every night, if it’s a normal town but has students you can do it less often but as effective. Pub crawls happen at night, so even if you have a full time job, you can organize pub crawl every Friday and Saturday.

Singles Resort Employee

Regardless of your job title, you can be a bartender, entertainer and even a pool boy, a job within a singles resort will get you laid. Single women away from home are looking to let loose and leave their normal life behind. This is the perfect time to step in and offer them an adventure.

You never have to worry about commitment because before things start to get serious they have to go home and a new bunch has just landed at the resort. It’s a never ending circle, the fun only ends when you decide to go home. This is probably the most no-stress job you can have, you get fed at the restaurant, a lot of sexy girls to have sex with and also get paid, perfect during the summer.

Strip Club DJ

This is a fantastic choice as it lands you some of the hottest girls on the planet, strippers. Strippers get a lot of attention from men but they only give their attention to some. Most of their attention goes to the strip club DJ and I’ll tell you why. The strippers always hang out in the DJ booth because the DJ’s basically control how much money the girl makes.  The girls get tipped based on his announcements and also dance as long as the songs play. The more they dance, the more they get tipped. The girls compete for the attention and affection of the DJ but, unlike the other employees of the place, the DJ has no responsibility for the girls.

This works wonders however you can only sleep with one girl at a time otherwise there’s going to be a lot of drama in the strip club. Any other DJ job works but those gigs are probably harder to find. DJ-ing is done at night so regardless of your full time job you can still put in some hours at the strip club.

Scuba Diving Instructor

Probably a harder job to get into but it will most surely get you laid. You are a scuba diving instructor helping people get their diving license. You only do license as that is a 4 day course.  Most of your students are 18-24 from all over the world (both genders). The location where you teach doesn’t really matter as long as there are coral reefs and tourists.

During the 4 day period you teach them a new skill and their lives are in your hands. This is a massive turn on for the girls and (according to verified sources) you get about 1 new girl every other class, meaning 1 new girl every 8 days. Also most of these girls are young and they want to have a story for their friends back home. Sleeping with the diving instructor fits perfectly.

Bouncer

This should go without saying, bouncers always get girls. You are the strong guy who protects them from all these losers that are hitting on her, getting drunk, and shouting in the club. You’re also the guy that lets them jump the queue if you feel like it. You need a bit of physical condition for this one but if you can pull it off you’re golden. All the girls want to brag about their bouncer boyfriend and, they will frequently visit the place you work in just to show you off.

Strip club bouncers get a lot of action too, but that’s a messier job.

Bartender

I don’t know what it is but if you’re a bartender you always get laid. When I was doing pub crawls all of my bartender friends were also getting laid. You can give the girls free drinks and talk to them from behind the bar. Just ask some of the girls you know, they will probably admit to having a thing for bartenders.

In movies they are portrayed as smooth operators with a quick wit and, if that seems to fail, make sure you serve them strong cocktails.

Personal Trainer

If you’re a personal trainer you’re already looking great so as far as you body goes you’re sorted. Plus you get the chance to work closely with women that want to get in shape and getting really hands on gets you even closer. If you plan some extra late-night workout sessions at your house/hers/or even the gym you will be very delighted.

Lifeguard

This is kind of a young guy’s job and it’s perfect for the summer.  Think about it, you’re tanned, in good shape and working at the beach or pool where the girls love to relax and have fun. The best part about it is the fact that you see them in bikinis and thongs, so you know exactly what you’re getting before you jump into it.

Actor

You don’t necessarily have to become an actor as you can also attend acting classes. Women that are in this industry are generally hot, crazy and fun, on and off the stage.

You’ll have the chance to partake in a lot of drama classes alongside these beautiful women as well as acting with them in plays and sketches. You don’t have to look amazing and if you’re not narcissistic you’ll always find a partner to play out your fantasy scenes.

Dance Instructor

If you can dance this is the perfect job for you. It always happens at night so again, another job that you can do whilst working full time. A lot of women come to these dancing classes to met men. If that’s the case who do you think best suits them, if not the instructor himself? Ladies love to dance and you’re the guy teaching them, you can always stay late to work on her steps or ask her to come round your house for some free late night dancing lessons.

There you have it, my complete top 10 list of the best jobs that get you laid. Don’t worry if you can’t change your career right away, to see results, you can easily do some of them part time.

The post Top 10 Jobs That Get You Laid appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(73) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/28/top-10-jobs-that-get-you-laid/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(545) "

The best part about is that you don’t need to give up on your career to do these, you can easily do them part time, in the summer, or just once in a while. Pub Crawl Leader The job implies taking people on a bar tour around your location. Usually it’s about 20 dollars/pounds/euros per […]

The post Top 10 Jobs That Get You Laid appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7616) "

The best part about is that you don’t need to give up on your career to do these, you can easily do them part time, in the summer, or just once in a while.

Pub Crawl Leader

The job implies taking people on a bar tour around your location. Usually it’s about 20 dollars/pounds/euros per tour. You take them from one bar to the other and they get a free T-shirt and a shot in each of them. It gets to about 20-60 people (half male half female) and that’s it.

I have personally done this job in my University days. It gets you laid because you are the leader and you take them to different places to have fun and get drunk. Because you are doing this regularly there’s tons of social proof from bartenders and bouncers that only boost your persona. After a couple of shots one of the girls will be making out with you. This job can get you laid every single night you do a pub crawl unless, you’re a monster or too tired to have sex.

I was doing this 2 times a week and usually getting laid in both nights. It depends on the location if it’s a tourist destination this can happen every night, if it’s a normal town but has students you can do it less often but as effective. Pub crawls happen at night, so even if you have a full time job, you can organize pub crawl every Friday and Saturday.

Singles Resort Employee

Regardless of your job title, you can be a bartender, entertainer and even a pool boy, a job within a singles resort will get you laid. Single women away from home are looking to let loose and leave their normal life behind. This is the perfect time to step in and offer them an adventure.

You never have to worry about commitment because before things start to get serious they have to go home and a new bunch has just landed at the resort. It’s a never ending circle, the fun only ends when you decide to go home. This is probably the most no-stress job you can have, you get fed at the restaurant, a lot of sexy girls to have sex with and also get paid, perfect during the summer.

Strip Club DJ

This is a fantastic choice as it lands you some of the hottest girls on the planet, strippers. Strippers get a lot of attention from men but they only give their attention to some. Most of their attention goes to the strip club DJ and I’ll tell you why. The strippers always hang out in the DJ booth because the DJ’s basically control how much money the girl makes.  The girls get tipped based on his announcements and also dance as long as the songs play. The more they dance, the more they get tipped. The girls compete for the attention and affection of the DJ but, unlike the other employees of the place, the DJ has no responsibility for the girls.

This works wonders however you can only sleep with one girl at a time otherwise there’s going to be a lot of drama in the strip club. Any other DJ job works but those gigs are probably harder to find. DJ-ing is done at night so regardless of your full time job you can still put in some hours at the strip club.

Scuba Diving Instructor

Probably a harder job to get into but it will most surely get you laid. You are a scuba diving instructor helping people get their diving license. You only do license as that is a 4 day course.  Most of your students are 18-24 from all over the world (both genders). The location where you teach doesn’t really matter as long as there are coral reefs and tourists.

During the 4 day period you teach them a new skill and their lives are in your hands. This is a massive turn on for the girls and (according to verified sources) you get about 1 new girl every other class, meaning 1 new girl every 8 days. Also most of these girls are young and they want to have a story for their friends back home. Sleeping with the diving instructor fits perfectly.

Bouncer

This should go without saying, bouncers always get girls. You are the strong guy who protects them from all these losers that are hitting on her, getting drunk, and shouting in the club. You’re also the guy that lets them jump the queue if you feel like it. You need a bit of physical condition for this one but if you can pull it off you’re golden. All the girls want to brag about their bouncer boyfriend and, they will frequently visit the place you work in just to show you off.

Strip club bouncers get a lot of action too, but that’s a messier job.

Bartender

I don’t know what it is but if you’re a bartender you always get laid. When I was doing pub crawls all of my bartender friends were also getting laid. You can give the girls free drinks and talk to them from behind the bar. Just ask some of the girls you know, they will probably admit to having a thing for bartenders.

In movies they are portrayed as smooth operators with a quick wit and, if that seems to fail, make sure you serve them strong cocktails.

Personal Trainer

If you’re a personal trainer you’re already looking great so as far as you body goes you’re sorted. Plus you get the chance to work closely with women that want to get in shape and getting really hands on gets you even closer. If you plan some extra late-night workout sessions at your house/hers/or even the gym you will be very delighted.

Lifeguard

This is kind of a young guy’s job and it’s perfect for the summer.  Think about it, you’re tanned, in good shape and working at the beach or pool where the girls love to relax and have fun. The best part about it is the fact that you see them in bikinis and thongs, so you know exactly what you’re getting before you jump into it.

Actor

You don’t necessarily have to become an actor as you can also attend acting classes. Women that are in this industry are generally hot, crazy and fun, on and off the stage.

You’ll have the chance to partake in a lot of drama classes alongside these beautiful women as well as acting with them in plays and sketches. You don’t have to look amazing and if you’re not narcissistic you’ll always find a partner to play out your fantasy scenes.

Dance Instructor

If you can dance this is the perfect job for you. It always happens at night so again, another job that you can do whilst working full time. A lot of women come to these dancing classes to met men. If that’s the case who do you think best suits them, if not the instructor himself? Ladies love to dance and you’re the guy teaching them, you can always stay late to work on her steps or ask her to come round your house for some free late night dancing lessons.

There you have it, my complete top 10 list of the best jobs that get you laid. Don’t worry if you can’t change your career right away, to see results, you can easily do some of them part time.

The post Top 10 Jobs That Get You Laid appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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