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Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce […]

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6616) "

Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce talk.

1.Safety Is Your First Priority

Many professional women I work with feel ashamed to admit to the history of domestic violence and emotional abuse in the marriage. For some reason, there’s a stereotype that violence is reserved exclusively for “the poor.”

Please know, if your husband tends to get physical when angry, ask for a divorce in front of a divorce therapist or people. You have no power of his behaviour, but you have control over the environment in which you choose to have the divorce conversation.

2.To Blindside is The Worst Approach

The best way to make asking for divorce more painful is by breaking the news out the blue. You don’t want your divorce announcement to be the first time your partner learns that you’re unhappy and dissatisfied in your marriage.

The more your spouse is blindsided by divorce, the longer it will take him to digest it, accept it, and work with it. All of these cause resistance in allowing the divorce process to start.

3.Empathy and Kindness Are The Keys To Success

The pain and hurt you’ve been feeling that brought you to end your marriage can blind you and prevent you from feeling compassion and empathy for your spouse. Remember that you once loved this person.

It won’t be easy for your partner to hear the news, the same way it wasn’t easy for you to arrive at this decision. Have compassion for yourself, for your spouse, and the relationship you once had.

4.Always Take The Easiest Route

The best practice for “the conversation” is to have a focus on a positive and stress-free approach to divorce. This conversation is your first primary opportunity to set a tone for an amicable divorce.

Since you’re the one initiating the conversation be a role model to set up respect and honesty in this life transition. He might show you the same.

5.Fire The Gun When You Know What You Want

It’s wise to ask for the divorce only when you arrived at this decision with unshakable certainty. Don’t start a conversation with the hidden agenda for your spouse to show and prove you how much they love you and want you back.

Asking for the divorce is NOT a great manipulation tactic. Some men or women ask for the divorce only to find themselves making love and on the plane to Maldives, even though they know they want out of the relationship.

6.The War With Guilt

When you the person who’s asking for the divorce, it becomes impossible to numb yourself out from guilt and shame. Unfortunately, if you give too much voice to guilt, you’re risking to continue acting married out of guilt even when you hate staying married.

Give yourself a gift of acknowledging guilt because when you resist it, you give it more power.

7.There’s a Journey Before The End

Divorce is the second most painful life experience you can ever have. It’s only surpassed by the death of a spouse. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to get over the divorce in a week.

There’re a few stages before acceptance and finding yourself again after divorce. Your spouse might one day go through shock, the other through denial, then anger, post-divorce depression, and the silent treatment, and then trying to get you back before coming to accept that your relationship is over.

Now that you’ve read the best practices for having “the conversation,” let me know what fears are still lingering in your mind. What’s holding you back from asking for the divorce? Maybe you’re the one who was blindsided by this conversation. How do you wish it was different?

The overwhelm you’re feeling right now will subside.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce […]

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6616) "

Divorce is never easy. Having “the conversation” is even harder because you never know the way it’ll go. You might plan it all the way through only to be blindsided by unexpected circumstances. Still, working in divorce therapy, I found that there’re six important goals to keep in mind if you’re the one to initiate the divorce talk.

1.Safety Is Your First Priority

Many professional women I work with feel ashamed to admit to the history of domestic violence and emotional abuse in the marriage. For some reason, there’s a stereotype that violence is reserved exclusively for “the poor.”

Please know, if your husband tends to get physical when angry, ask for a divorce in front of a divorce therapist or people. You have no power of his behaviour, but you have control over the environment in which you choose to have the divorce conversation.

2.To Blindside is The Worst Approach

The best way to make asking for divorce more painful is by breaking the news out the blue. You don’t want your divorce announcement to be the first time your partner learns that you’re unhappy and dissatisfied in your marriage.

The more your spouse is blindsided by divorce, the longer it will take him to digest it, accept it, and work with it. All of these cause resistance in allowing the divorce process to start.

3.Empathy and Kindness Are The Keys To Success

The pain and hurt you’ve been feeling that brought you to end your marriage can blind you and prevent you from feeling compassion and empathy for your spouse. Remember that you once loved this person.

It won’t be easy for your partner to hear the news, the same way it wasn’t easy for you to arrive at this decision. Have compassion for yourself, for your spouse, and the relationship you once had.

4.Always Take The Easiest Route

The best practice for “the conversation” is to have a focus on a positive and stress-free approach to divorce. This conversation is your first primary opportunity to set a tone for an amicable divorce.

Since you’re the one initiating the conversation be a role model to set up respect and honesty in this life transition. He might show you the same.

5.Fire The Gun When You Know What You Want

It’s wise to ask for the divorce only when you arrived at this decision with unshakable certainty. Don’t start a conversation with the hidden agenda for your spouse to show and prove you how much they love you and want you back.

Asking for the divorce is NOT a great manipulation tactic. Some men or women ask for the divorce only to find themselves making love and on the plane to Maldives, even though they know they want out of the relationship.

6.The War With Guilt

When you the person who’s asking for the divorce, it becomes impossible to numb yourself out from guilt and shame. Unfortunately, if you give too much voice to guilt, you’re risking to continue acting married out of guilt even when you hate staying married.

Give yourself a gift of acknowledging guilt because when you resist it, you give it more power.

7.There’s a Journey Before The End

Divorce is the second most painful life experience you can ever have. It’s only surpassed by the death of a spouse. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to get over the divorce in a week.

There’re a few stages before acceptance and finding yourself again after divorce. Your spouse might one day go through shock, the other through denial, then anger, post-divorce depression, and the silent treatment, and then trying to get you back before coming to accept that your relationship is over.

Now that you’ve read the best practices for having “the conversation,” let me know what fears are still lingering in your mind. What’s holding you back from asking for the divorce? Maybe you’re the one who was blindsided by this conversation. How do you wish it was different?

The overwhelm you’re feeling right now will subside.

The best advice is to seek the best advice. Don’t rely on your best friends to help you. Seek professional help. It’ll save you tears, time in pain, sleepless nights, and bottles of wine.

The post How To Ask For Divorce | 7 Steps For Having “The Conversation” appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606149781) } [1]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(39) "When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY" ["link"]=> string(76) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/when-life-hurts-celebrate-this-is-why/" ["comments"]=> string(84) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/when-life-hurts-celebrate-this-is-why/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(7) "Diana D" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 23 Nov 2020 16:25:21 +0000" ["category"]=> string(77) "Divorce And Breakupsafter divorcebreak updepressionlessonslifelife lessonpain" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6440" ["description"]=> string(552) "

The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way. Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we […]

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6250) "

The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way.

Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we pooped somewhere we shouldn’t have like kittens. And this is something I had to learn the hard way. The same way we all did or will do.

During my work as a therapist, I was often asked the same question. I would have a woman sitting next to me and she would ask, “Karolina, why does breakup hurt so bad? Post-divorce depression is killing me. Why did it have to happen in such a painful way? Why didn’t this lesson come easy?” My answer was the same over and over again, “You wouldn’t learn it if it was easy.”

This is why life hurts right now

In fact, if you rewind your life and pay close attention to the little hiccups along the way, you’ll see that those bumps were indeed the less painful ways your life was telling you to wake the fuck up, do the self-love workleave that toxic relationship, ask for divorce because you were not staying for the sake of children but you were staying for your own sake, or slow the hell down and take a breather. But you chose to go on. You chose to indulge in delusions and false hopes “What it will be different this time?” Believe me, it won’t.

This is why it won’t work

How do I know? Because nothing will change unless you change something in the equation. Yet, you tend to shift things around the equation hoping it will create a strong enough ripple effect to miraculously change your situation. It’s like hoping that the sunshine will unpack the luggage that has been standing for weeks since you got back from the vacation.

What I also realized is that the purpose of our life is to uncover the concealed. It’s to ponder and appreciate what we don’t know. Yet we resist our purpose and then go to spiritual guides seeking an answer. What do I mean by this?

Surrendering is the answer

See, most of us hate uncertainty. We want to control everything and everyone. Control issues. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that we’re control freaks and instead, we say, “it’s not that I control things, it’s just I know EXACTLY what I want.”

But here is the trick. Knowing what you want comes from within. You trust your inner voice, intuition, and your guides. You need to build confidence for this. It doesn’t come from you not wanting your friend to be who she is or say what she wants. When you exercise your power over what other people do or don’t do you have already crossed this line of knowing and moved into controlling. As result, you’ll always find yourself in anger, sadness, loneliness, and hundred other emotions that negatively impact your lives.

Stop feeling like shit

So what do you do, you might ask? Recently I’ve been playing with the following exercise. At the end of each week or day, I take time to ask myself what emotions I experienced that week.

Then I decide what emotions I would like to have more of. I brainstorm reasons WHY these positive emotions are true in my life, so I can start feeling them right away. If I want to feel blessed, then I recall moments when my husband and I sit in the park enjoying ourselves, for example. This exercise has been a profound experience for me and my clients.

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what the same mistake do you keep doing that gets to where you are right now? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(81) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/when-life-hurts-celebrate-this-is-why/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(552) "

The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way. Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we […]

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6250) "

The job of our beautiful mind is to guide us, test us, and empower us. This I knew. What I didn’t know is that it’s here to teach me painful lessons when I’m too stubborn to learn them an easy way.

Painful lessons are here to shove our nose into the litter box whenever we pooped somewhere we shouldn’t have like kittens. And this is something I had to learn the hard way. The same way we all did or will do.

During my work as a therapist, I was often asked the same question. I would have a woman sitting next to me and she would ask, “Karolina, why does breakup hurt so bad? Post-divorce depression is killing me. Why did it have to happen in such a painful way? Why didn’t this lesson come easy?” My answer was the same over and over again, “You wouldn’t learn it if it was easy.”

This is why life hurts right now

In fact, if you rewind your life and pay close attention to the little hiccups along the way, you’ll see that those bumps were indeed the less painful ways your life was telling you to wake the fuck up, do the self-love workleave that toxic relationship, ask for divorce because you were not staying for the sake of children but you were staying for your own sake, or slow the hell down and take a breather. But you chose to go on. You chose to indulge in delusions and false hopes “What it will be different this time?” Believe me, it won’t.

This is why it won’t work

How do I know? Because nothing will change unless you change something in the equation. Yet, you tend to shift things around the equation hoping it will create a strong enough ripple effect to miraculously change your situation. It’s like hoping that the sunshine will unpack the luggage that has been standing for weeks since you got back from the vacation.

What I also realized is that the purpose of our life is to uncover the concealed. It’s to ponder and appreciate what we don’t know. Yet we resist our purpose and then go to spiritual guides seeking an answer. What do I mean by this?

Surrendering is the answer

See, most of us hate uncertainty. We want to control everything and everyone. Control issues. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that we’re control freaks and instead, we say, “it’s not that I control things, it’s just I know EXACTLY what I want.”

But here is the trick. Knowing what you want comes from within. You trust your inner voice, intuition, and your guides. You need to build confidence for this. It doesn’t come from you not wanting your friend to be who she is or say what she wants. When you exercise your power over what other people do or don’t do you have already crossed this line of knowing and moved into controlling. As result, you’ll always find yourself in anger, sadness, loneliness, and hundred other emotions that negatively impact your lives.

Stop feeling like shit

So what do you do, you might ask? Recently I’ve been playing with the following exercise. At the end of each week or day, I take time to ask myself what emotions I experienced that week.

Then I decide what emotions I would like to have more of. I brainstorm reasons WHY these positive emotions are true in my life, so I can start feeling them right away. If I want to feel blessed, then I recall moments when my husband and I sit in the park enjoying ourselves, for example. This exercise has been a profound experience for me and my clients.

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what the same mistake do you keep doing that gets to where you are right now? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

The post When Life Hurts, Celebrate! This is WHY appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606148721) } [2]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(49) "5 Best Ways to Break the Ice With a Girl You Like" ["link"]=> string(88) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/5-best-ways-to-break-the-ice-with-a-girl-you-like/" ["comments"]=> string(96) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/23/5-best-ways-to-break-the-ice-with-a-girl-you-like/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 23 Nov 2020 14:47:27 +0000" ["category"]=> string(52) "Dating Advicefavorice breakerquestions to asktexting" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6434" ["description"]=> string(611) "

Breaking the ice with someone you don’t know can feel very intimidating but in a lot of ways it’s simple and straightforward – you try it, it either works or it doesn’t, and you move on. What often feels even more complicated, however, is breaking the ice with someone you know. Whether it’s from work […]

The post 5 Best Ways to Break the Ice With a Girl You Like appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(8657) "

Breaking the ice with someone you don’t know can feel very intimidating but in a lot of ways it’s simple and straightforward – you try it, it either works or it doesn’t, and you move on. What often feels even more complicated, however, is breaking the ice with someone you know.

Whether it’s from work or school, approaching a girl you like comes with all the added pressure of embarrassing yourself in front of someone you’ll have to interact with in the future. Fortunately, there are some mitigating circumstances too – you already know each other, even if it’s just vaguely, and you have reasons to talk outside of flirting.

Here are five tips on how to easily break the ice with a girl you like.

1. Ask a question

The biggest fear most guys have when approaching a girl is embarrassing themselves while trying to impress her. That’s understandable but it’s also completely unnecessary – girls don’t mind vulnerable and imperfect guys, they actually like them. What’s off-putting in most situations is the guy trying too hard to impress her and embarrassing himself in the process.

And you can completely circumvent that risk by not trying to impress her at all! If you just approach a girl with a question, there’s no risk of it seeming like you’re trying too hard – you’re literally approaching her from a vulnerable position, asking for help. Even the risk of rejection is minimal with such an approach because virtually no one refuses to answer a simple question from someone they know.

What’s more, not only do you alleviate most risks by breaking the ice with a question, you also open a lot of opportunities for yourself! Because you know the girl, you can ask her a question you know she can help you with, a question that’s likely to grow into a prolonged discussion, or maybe even a question that can lead to a casual “date” where you can talk more about it? All this stems from the inherent benefit of you knowing the girl even vaguely and having an idea about her interests. 

2. Text her about something you know is on her mind

Even when you have the perfect question to ask someone, it can still be intimidating to ask it face-to-face. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit socially awkward and not having a firm grasp on body language yet – those things take time and practice to master. 

In the meantime, you can always fall back to texting! Another beautiful thing about knowing someone from school or work is that you can always just text them without fear of it being “too forward” – all you need is a reason or a question. When you want to start texting a girl you know, the possible topics are near-endless. Given that texting is not as “spontaneous” as a face-to-face chat, however, it’s best if you start the text chain with a simple but specific question – something you can ask in person too.

3. Ask a favor

Something a lot of people feel too shy to do is asking a direct favor instead of a question. Sure, it may feel a bit too forward but it usually isn’t. Most people love helping those around them, especially if it’s a friend, an acquaintance, or a colleague.

Obviously, kicking things off with something overly complicated and time-consuming isn’t a good idea. It also shouldn’t be something too simple that you’d seem stupid for needing help with. But, if you know the girl, you should have little trouble thinking of a few things she can help you with that wouldn’t be embarrassing.

Some of the classics are asking for help with a class you’re taking or asking to borrow something for a while. But if you know her and you know her strengths and know-hows, you can think of even more specific favors to ask for!

And the beautiful thing about this method is that not only are you creating an opening for further conversations, not only are you presenting yourself as vulnerable and not-trying-to-hard, but you’re also “giving” her a favor to ask in return whenever she wants! 

4. Make a general and relatable statement

Talking about the weather may be a major cliché but it also kind of works – it’s a general, inoffensive, relatable, and risk-free statement that most people can agree with.

And if it would feel like too much of a cliché in your situation, you can go for another similar statement. If you’re in a coffee shop you can comment on the coffee, if you’re in a bar, you can comment on the drinks there, if you’re at the office, you can express frustration with the printer, and so on.

The key here is to make sure that your statement is not just general but it’s also relatable – it’s something that she’d want to comment on or at the very least notice, agree with, giggle at, or just nod. Something that she won’t just ignore. And if you already know a bit about her and her interests, you can easily find a statement that will push her to start a conversation with you!

5. Offer her something she wants

Lastly, if even just asking a question or asking for a favor feels too forward and risky, you can do the opposite and offer her a favor instead. Dealing with your fear of rejection can be tough and it also takes time but you can go around that by simply offering something instead.

Of course, it should be something you know she needs. Maybe you overheard her sharing a problem or looking for something? Maybe you’ll have a major test or project soon and you know you can help her out.

The beauty of this method is that she’ll have the extra incentive of accepting your help. Plus, it can often be something that takes more than just a moment and will give you plenty of time to interact. On the other hand, here you’ll be running the risk of being too forward and trying too hard to impress, so it’s important to be casual about it!

The beauty of trying to break the ice with someone you already know, even if it’s just superficially, is that you have plenty of openings. Whether it’s to ask for something you know they can help you with or offer something you know they want, you’ll usually have opportunities to interact with her every day.

And what’s even better is that you can often chain these five methods into each other. You can text her with a question, then ask for a favor, and you can offer a favor in return soon after. As long as you act casual about it and you don’t seem pushy, there are very few risks and plenty of opportunities!

The post 5 Best Ways to Break the Ice With a Girl You Like appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Breaking the ice with someone you don’t know can feel very intimidating but in a lot of ways it’s simple and straightforward – you try it, it either works or it doesn’t, and you move on. What often feels even more complicated, however, is breaking the ice with someone you know. Whether it’s from work […]

The post 5 Best Ways to Break the Ice With a Girl You Like appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Breaking the ice with someone you don’t know can feel very intimidating but in a lot of ways it’s simple and straightforward – you try it, it either works or it doesn’t, and you move on. What often feels even more complicated, however, is breaking the ice with someone you know.

Whether it’s from work or school, approaching a girl you like comes with all the added pressure of embarrassing yourself in front of someone you’ll have to interact with in the future. Fortunately, there are some mitigating circumstances too – you already know each other, even if it’s just vaguely, and you have reasons to talk outside of flirting.

Here are five tips on how to easily break the ice with a girl you like.

1. Ask a question

The biggest fear most guys have when approaching a girl is embarrassing themselves while trying to impress her. That’s understandable but it’s also completely unnecessary – girls don’t mind vulnerable and imperfect guys, they actually like them. What’s off-putting in most situations is the guy trying too hard to impress her and embarrassing himself in the process.

And you can completely circumvent that risk by not trying to impress her at all! If you just approach a girl with a question, there’s no risk of it seeming like you’re trying too hard – you’re literally approaching her from a vulnerable position, asking for help. Even the risk of rejection is minimal with such an approach because virtually no one refuses to answer a simple question from someone they know.

What’s more, not only do you alleviate most risks by breaking the ice with a question, you also open a lot of opportunities for yourself! Because you know the girl, you can ask her a question you know she can help you with, a question that’s likely to grow into a prolonged discussion, or maybe even a question that can lead to a casual “date” where you can talk more about it? All this stems from the inherent benefit of you knowing the girl even vaguely and having an idea about her interests. 

2. Text her about something you know is on her mind

Even when you have the perfect question to ask someone, it can still be intimidating to ask it face-to-face. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit socially awkward and not having a firm grasp on body language yet – those things take time and practice to master. 

In the meantime, you can always fall back to texting! Another beautiful thing about knowing someone from school or work is that you can always just text them without fear of it being “too forward” – all you need is a reason or a question. When you want to start texting a girl you know, the possible topics are near-endless. Given that texting is not as “spontaneous” as a face-to-face chat, however, it’s best if you start the text chain with a simple but specific question – something you can ask in person too.

3. Ask a favor

Something a lot of people feel too shy to do is asking a direct favor instead of a question. Sure, it may feel a bit too forward but it usually isn’t. Most people love helping those around them, especially if it’s a friend, an acquaintance, or a colleague.

Obviously, kicking things off with something overly complicated and time-consuming isn’t a good idea. It also shouldn’t be something too simple that you’d seem stupid for needing help with. But, if you know the girl, you should have little trouble thinking of a few things she can help you with that wouldn’t be embarrassing.

Some of the classics are asking for help with a class you’re taking or asking to borrow something for a while. But if you know her and you know her strengths and know-hows, you can think of even more specific favors to ask for!

And the beautiful thing about this method is that not only are you creating an opening for further conversations, not only are you presenting yourself as vulnerable and not-trying-to-hard, but you’re also “giving” her a favor to ask in return whenever she wants! 

4. Make a general and relatable statement

Talking about the weather may be a major cliché but it also kind of works – it’s a general, inoffensive, relatable, and risk-free statement that most people can agree with.

And if it would feel like too much of a cliché in your situation, you can go for another similar statement. If you’re in a coffee shop you can comment on the coffee, if you’re in a bar, you can comment on the drinks there, if you’re at the office, you can express frustration with the printer, and so on.

The key here is to make sure that your statement is not just general but it’s also relatable – it’s something that she’d want to comment on or at the very least notice, agree with, giggle at, or just nod. Something that she won’t just ignore. And if you already know a bit about her and her interests, you can easily find a statement that will push her to start a conversation with you!

5. Offer her something she wants

Lastly, if even just asking a question or asking for a favor feels too forward and risky, you can do the opposite and offer her a favor instead. Dealing with your fear of rejection can be tough and it also takes time but you can go around that by simply offering something instead.

Of course, it should be something you know she needs. Maybe you overheard her sharing a problem or looking for something? Maybe you’ll have a major test or project soon and you know you can help her out.

The beauty of this method is that she’ll have the extra incentive of accepting your help. Plus, it can often be something that takes more than just a moment and will give you plenty of time to interact. On the other hand, here you’ll be running the risk of being too forward and trying too hard to impress, so it’s important to be casual about it!

The beauty of trying to break the ice with someone you already know, even if it’s just superficially, is that you have plenty of openings. Whether it’s to ask for something you know they can help you with or offer something you know they want, you’ll usually have opportunities to interact with her every day.

And what’s even better is that you can often chain these five methods into each other. You can text her with a question, then ask for a favor, and you can offer a favor in return soon after. As long as you act casual about it and you don’t seem pushy, there are very few risks and plenty of opportunities!

The post 5 Best Ways to Break the Ice With a Girl You Like appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1606142847) } [3]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(44) "Four Ways to Stay Safe When Dating on Tinder" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/17/four-ways-to-stay-safe-when-dating-on-tinder/" ["comments"]=> string(91) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/17/four-ways-to-stay-safe-when-dating-on-tinder/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Nov 2020 09:56:23 +0000" ["category"]=> string(13) "Dating Advice" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6408" ["description"]=> string(603) "

Tinder is a popular dating app that is used by millions of people around the world today. Whether you’re looking for a casual one-night fling or want a serious long-term relationship, Tinder is such a widely used app with plenty of opportunities to find exactly what you are looking for. However, as with any online […]

The post Four Ways to Stay Safe When Dating on Tinder appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3563) "

Tinder is a popular dating app that is used by millions of people around the world today. Whether you’re looking for a casual one-night fling or want a serious long-term relationship, Tinder is such a widely used app with plenty of opportunities to find exactly what you are looking for. However, as with any online dating service, there are also several risks to be aware of when you are using Tinder to date online. Speaking with and meeting up with people that you don’t know always carries some level of risk, so keep these tips in mind for staying safe and making sure that the experience is fun.

Limit Personal Information:

While you do need to share some information about yourself to create your profile and get the interest of other users, be careful about how much personal information you share about yourself online. Too much information about where you live or work, for example, could put you in a dangerous position in the future if users that you don’t want to go any further with get disgruntled and track you down. The truth is that while most people who you will encounter will be decent, you simply never know who you are speaking with online, so be selective when it comes to what you share.

Background Check:

If you’re planning to meet somebody that you’ve been getting on well with and are planning to meet up with them, doing some research on them can help you get more peace of mind before you meet up – and potentially save yourself from a risky situation. Using Nuwber, you can search for somebody’s phone number and make sure that they are who they say they are. You can also use this service to search for any publicly held records about a person that you might want to know about before meeting up with them, like arrest records or criminal records.

Let Somebody Know:

Before meeting up for a date with somebody from Tinder, it’s a good idea to let somebody you trust know where you are going, who you are going with, and how long you expect to be. Having somebody who is aware of what you’re doing means that you have somebody to call if you need to get out of the situation quickly. If you’d rather stay off your phone during the date and a friend or relative wants to check up on you, consider using an app like Find My Friends where they can easily track your location and make sure that you are where you are supposed to be.

Meet in Public:

Finally, the main safety rule to consider when dating on Tinder is to always meet up in a public place or anywhere where you know other people are going to be around. Meeting up for the first time in a public area gives you a chance to get to know your date better in a safe environment and decide whether or not you would like to meet up with them again. A restaurant or bar is a good choice since not only are there usually lots of people around but you’ll also have the chance to talk and learn more about them.

Tinder is a fun way to find new dates, but it’s important to keep yourself safe.

The post Four Ways to Stay Safe When Dating on Tinder appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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Tinder is a popular dating app that is used by millions of people around the world today. Whether you’re looking for a casual one-night fling or want a serious long-term relationship, Tinder is such a widely used app with plenty of opportunities to find exactly what you are looking for. However, as with any online […]

The post Four Ways to Stay Safe When Dating on Tinder appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3563) "

Tinder is a popular dating app that is used by millions of people around the world today. Whether you’re looking for a casual one-night fling or want a serious long-term relationship, Tinder is such a widely used app with plenty of opportunities to find exactly what you are looking for. However, as with any online dating service, there are also several risks to be aware of when you are using Tinder to date online. Speaking with and meeting up with people that you don’t know always carries some level of risk, so keep these tips in mind for staying safe and making sure that the experience is fun.

Limit Personal Information:

While you do need to share some information about yourself to create your profile and get the interest of other users, be careful about how much personal information you share about yourself online. Too much information about where you live or work, for example, could put you in a dangerous position in the future if users that you don’t want to go any further with get disgruntled and track you down. The truth is that while most people who you will encounter will be decent, you simply never know who you are speaking with online, so be selective when it comes to what you share.

Background Check:

If you’re planning to meet somebody that you’ve been getting on well with and are planning to meet up with them, doing some research on them can help you get more peace of mind before you meet up – and potentially save yourself from a risky situation. Using Nuwber, you can search for somebody’s phone number and make sure that they are who they say they are. You can also use this service to search for any publicly held records about a person that you might want to know about before meeting up with them, like arrest records or criminal records.

Let Somebody Know:

Before meeting up for a date with somebody from Tinder, it’s a good idea to let somebody you trust know where you are going, who you are going with, and how long you expect to be. Having somebody who is aware of what you’re doing means that you have somebody to call if you need to get out of the situation quickly. If you’d rather stay off your phone during the date and a friend or relative wants to check up on you, consider using an app like Find My Friends where they can easily track your location and make sure that you are where you are supposed to be.

Meet in Public:

Finally, the main safety rule to consider when dating on Tinder is to always meet up in a public place or anywhere where you know other people are going to be around. Meeting up for the first time in a public area gives you a chance to get to know your date better in a safe environment and decide whether or not you would like to meet up with them again. A restaurant or bar is a good choice since not only are there usually lots of people around but you’ll also have the chance to talk and learn more about them.

Tinder is a fun way to find new dates, but it’s important to keep yourself safe.

The post Four Ways to Stay Safe When Dating on Tinder appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605606983) } [4]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(75) "9 Ways Tantric Massage Can Help Improve Your Relationship with Your Partner" ["link"]=> string(114) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/17/9-ways-tantric-massage-can-help-improve-your-relationship-with-your-partner/" ["comments"]=> string(122) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/17/9-ways-tantric-massage-can-help-improve-your-relationship-with-your-partner/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(12) "Guest Author" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 17 Nov 2020 09:52:07 +0000" ["category"]=> string(11) "Interesting" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6405" ["description"]=> string(687) "

Tantric massage for couples can be a wonderful endeavour. From enhancing intimacy to growing confidence in the bedroom, there are many incredible benefits of tantra, and knowing how to give a tantric massage can reward you both enormously. Let’s look at some ways in which knowing how to do tantric massage can improve your relationship, […]

The post 9 Ways Tantric Massage Can Help Improve Your Relationship with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7576) "

Tantric massage for couples can be a wonderful endeavour. From enhancing intimacy to growing confidence in the bedroom, there are many incredible benefits of tantra, and knowing how to give a tantric massage can reward you both enormously.

Let’s look at some ways in which knowing how to do tantric massage can improve your relationship, as well as top tips for performing tantric massage for couples.

What is Tantric Massage?

A tantric massage is a stimulating, body to body massage which awakens spiritual energy in the receiver. This tantalising energy moves around the body with touch, in an enlightening and erotic manner.

Tantric massage for couples is more than just about sex. Ultimately, it delivers a wide range of intoxicating benefits that your relationship can take advantage of.

A tantric massage guide to stimulate your relationship

To start boosting your relationship, follow our expert tips on how to give a tantric massage. With this guide, you’ll learn how tantric massage improves relationships and how to do tantric massage on your partner.

Deep intimacy

When you discover how to give a tantric massage, you’ll be rewarded with a deeper sense of intimacy with your partner. In fact, it can give you a level of intimacy that you’ve never experienced before.

Top tip: Try looking into each other’s eyes during the massage to really feel the connection between you.

A greater understanding of each other

Learning how to do tantric massage provides a better understanding of your partner, from what they like in the bedroom to being completely open with them on a range of topics such sex fantasies, fetishes (foot fetish or otherwise), limitations, and sex toys.

Top tip: Ask your partner what areas of their body they like being massaged. During tantric massage, this will help you to understand more about their erotic needs.

Feeling less stress

Tantric massage for couples is a great stress reliever, thanks to the way it helps you to relax. Stress can make relationships difficult, so finding ways to alleviate the pressures in life is most welcome.

Top tip: Make time every week to explore tantric massage techniques.

Clearer thinking

Tantric massage delivers a euphoric feeling, helping you to think clearer. This aids every area of your life, including your relationship.

Top tip: Save any discussions for after tantric massage. Allowing yourself to be completely immersed in the practice helps to get optimal benefits from it.

A better sex life

If you want to improve your lovemaking, tantric massage is a must. That’s because it enables couples to explore their sexual energy, discovering varying ways of pleasure.

Top tip: Orgasm isn’t the overall goal of tantric massage but if you want to really give your partner a thrill, try teasing them by taking them to the edge of climax and back again – all with the touch of your hands!

Increased foreplay

Tantric massage for couples is great for experiencing magical foreplay. Sometimes, what happens before the massage can give you some real enjoyment.

Top tip: Take a shower together before performing tantric massage on your partner. It’s an effective way to explore further.

Build a connection

Knowing how to do tantric massage is a good way to build or restore a connection between you. Couples that have been together for a long time, or have lost their way, benefit from a boost between the sheets.

Top tip: Create a romantic ambience by laying down some soft, silky sheets, dimming the lighting and adding a few scented candles.

More confidence

If you’re suffering from low self-esteem issues, understanding how to give a tantric massage can improve your confidence, especially in the bedroom.

Top tip: If you’re nervous to begin with, ask your partner to take charge in giving you a tantric massage first.

Overcoming sexual issues

Tantric massage is highly effective for overcoming a range of sexual problems, from premature ejaculation to low confidence.

Top tip: A physical release can prove more successful in solving sexual issues rather than talking about it. Using an experienced tantra specialist can help to overcome painful frustrations regarding sex.

Consider Using A Tantra Specialist 

Now you know how to give a tantric massage and how tantric massage improves relationships, you may want to enhance your experience with the help of a professional masseuse.

At Karma Tantric, our highly trained massage girls are experts in Tantra and know the correct skills to use to boost your relationship to optimal level. Call our friendly team to find out more about our services.

About the author

Erica Suarez-Hillingdon is a sex therapist and expert on everything related to tantra, tantric sex, and tantric massage. She is the editor at Karma Tantric, London’s premier tantric massage agency and writes about how tantra can help men, women, and couples improve their sex lives. 

The post 9 Ways Tantric Massage Can Help Improve Your Relationship with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(119) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/17/9-ways-tantric-massage-can-help-improve-your-relationship-with-your-partner/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(687) "

Tantric massage for couples can be a wonderful endeavour. From enhancing intimacy to growing confidence in the bedroom, there are many incredible benefits of tantra, and knowing how to give a tantric massage can reward you both enormously. Let’s look at some ways in which knowing how to do tantric massage can improve your relationship, […]

The post 9 Ways Tantric Massage Can Help Improve Your Relationship with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7576) "

Tantric massage for couples can be a wonderful endeavour. From enhancing intimacy to growing confidence in the bedroom, there are many incredible benefits of tantra, and knowing how to give a tantric massage can reward you both enormously.

Let’s look at some ways in which knowing how to do tantric massage can improve your relationship, as well as top tips for performing tantric massage for couples.

What is Tantric Massage?

A tantric massage is a stimulating, body to body massage which awakens spiritual energy in the receiver. This tantalising energy moves around the body with touch, in an enlightening and erotic manner.

Tantric massage for couples is more than just about sex. Ultimately, it delivers a wide range of intoxicating benefits that your relationship can take advantage of.

A tantric massage guide to stimulate your relationship

To start boosting your relationship, follow our expert tips on how to give a tantric massage. With this guide, you’ll learn how tantric massage improves relationships and how to do tantric massage on your partner.

Deep intimacy

When you discover how to give a tantric massage, you’ll be rewarded with a deeper sense of intimacy with your partner. In fact, it can give you a level of intimacy that you’ve never experienced before.

Top tip: Try looking into each other’s eyes during the massage to really feel the connection between you.

A greater understanding of each other

Learning how to do tantric massage provides a better understanding of your partner, from what they like in the bedroom to being completely open with them on a range of topics such sex fantasies, fetishes (foot fetish or otherwise), limitations, and sex toys.

Top tip: Ask your partner what areas of their body they like being massaged. During tantric massage, this will help you to understand more about their erotic needs.

Feeling less stress

Tantric massage for couples is a great stress reliever, thanks to the way it helps you to relax. Stress can make relationships difficult, so finding ways to alleviate the pressures in life is most welcome.

Top tip: Make time every week to explore tantric massage techniques.

Clearer thinking

Tantric massage delivers a euphoric feeling, helping you to think clearer. This aids every area of your life, including your relationship.

Top tip: Save any discussions for after tantric massage. Allowing yourself to be completely immersed in the practice helps to get optimal benefits from it.

A better sex life

If you want to improve your lovemaking, tantric massage is a must. That’s because it enables couples to explore their sexual energy, discovering varying ways of pleasure.

Top tip: Orgasm isn’t the overall goal of tantric massage but if you want to really give your partner a thrill, try teasing them by taking them to the edge of climax and back again – all with the touch of your hands!

Increased foreplay

Tantric massage for couples is great for experiencing magical foreplay. Sometimes, what happens before the massage can give you some real enjoyment.

Top tip: Take a shower together before performing tantric massage on your partner. It’s an effective way to explore further.

Build a connection

Knowing how to do tantric massage is a good way to build or restore a connection between you. Couples that have been together for a long time, or have lost their way, benefit from a boost between the sheets.

Top tip: Create a romantic ambience by laying down some soft, silky sheets, dimming the lighting and adding a few scented candles.

More confidence

If you’re suffering from low self-esteem issues, understanding how to give a tantric massage can improve your confidence, especially in the bedroom.

Top tip: If you’re nervous to begin with, ask your partner to take charge in giving you a tantric massage first.

Overcoming sexual issues

Tantric massage is highly effective for overcoming a range of sexual problems, from premature ejaculation to low confidence.

Top tip: A physical release can prove more successful in solving sexual issues rather than talking about it. Using an experienced tantra specialist can help to overcome painful frustrations regarding sex.

Consider Using A Tantra Specialist 

Now you know how to give a tantric massage and how tantric massage improves relationships, you may want to enhance your experience with the help of a professional masseuse.

At Karma Tantric, our highly trained massage girls are experts in Tantra and know the correct skills to use to boost your relationship to optimal level. Call our friendly team to find out more about our services.

About the author

Erica Suarez-Hillingdon is a sex therapist and expert on everything related to tantra, tantric sex, and tantric massage. She is the editor at Karma Tantric, London’s premier tantric massage agency and writes about how tantra can help men, women, and couples improve their sex lives. 

The post 9 Ways Tantric Massage Can Help Improve Your Relationship with Your Partner appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605606727) } [5]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(57) "Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth" ["link"]=> string(96) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/why-feeling-beautiful-does-matter-to-your-personal-growth/" ["comments"]=> string(104) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/why-feeling-beautiful-does-matter-to-your-personal-growth/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 15:41:12 +0000" ["category"]=> string(146) "Personal Growthadvicebeautiful peoplebeautiful womenBuild your self esteemKeep your dreams aliveLet yourself be inspiredlove yourselfrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6401" ["description"]=> string(612) "

Being beautiful has always been something that I’ve wanted to feel– yet never seemed to be able to attain for very long. I look at the shapes and aspects of other women whom I deem to be attractive as they walk down the street or grace the pages of a magazine and the seeming deficiencies […]

The post Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6009) "

Being beautiful has always been something that I’ve wanted to feel– yet never seemed to be able to attain for very long. I look at the shapes and aspects of other women whom I deem to be attractive as they walk down the street or grace the pages of a magazine and the seeming deficiencies in my own body begin to pile up.

I usually just don’t see myself measuring up which makes the whole “feeling beautiful thing” difficult.

At the same time, I hold a belief that there is something superficial about stunning beauty. I know enough about the airbrushing and altering of images to doubt that any real woman literally looks like that “cover girl” I’m comparing myself to.

And I also find myself falling into the dichotomous and limiting belief that one can be either pretty or smart– not both at the same time. There is an underlying stereotype of beautiful women as somehow shallow, egotistical and even vapid. To top it all off, right now in my life I am focused in on my personal growth and spiritual expansion. This has nothing to do with feeling beautiful, does it?

This all makes for quite the conundrum.

I want to be beautiful and I tend to judge myself in comparison to images of beauty that have been manufactured (or attained through sometimes dangerous means re: self-starving or diet-pill dependencies). All the while I do this wishing for beauty, self-judging and comparing, I don’t really respect being beautiful. I buy into the stereotype that beautiful women are narcissistic and hollow and I even see beauty as a surface concern.

I know, there seems to be a lot of conflicting and confused thoughts in here!

Beauty is more than just skin deep

I assert that discovering, affirming and celebrating your beauty is very much a personal growth endeavor. The way that beauty is predominantly understood is quite limited.

Understandably, I (along with the bulk of the population I bet) initially associate being beautiful with a particular way of looking. It seems to be an attractiveness and aesthetic appeal that is perfect in some particular way at first consideration.

But when I really think about it, beauty is an essence and an energy certain people just have. The difference is obvious when I take a step back and re-think being beautiful.

Yes, the effects can be pleasing to the eye when a woman has created a particular look using makeup, hair styling and clothing. But a woman (or man) whose beauty effuses forth from within doesn’t have to put forth those kinds of efforts. She or he walks around confidently knowing her or his own worth, value and beauty. There is a depth and a sense of empowerment present in this manner of being beautiful.

The dictionary defines beauty as a “quality” that evokes pleasure.  I think it undercuts the possibilities of beauty to confine it to the surface of our bodies and appearances.

At the same time, our appearances usually reflect what’s going on inside of us. If you are conducting your life in ways that are life-affirming, self-respecting and expansive, you are building your inner beauty and it undoubtedly shows on the outside as well.

This is why those people with a healthy inner beauty almost always glow and are pleasing to be around.

How to cultivate beautiful personal growth

If, like me, you struggle with feeling beautiful at times, try some of these ideas…

*Love yourself

You simply cannot come close to feeling or being beautiful unless you love yourself. Get into the habit of telling yourself, “I love you” throughout the day. If this seems difficult, say it anyway. Keep telling yourself, “I love you” until you can start to believe and feel it. Know that you deserve to be loved and who better to love you, than you!

*Build your self esteem

A low sense of self esteem usually accompanies feeling unattractive or ugly. Make it your goal to find things that you appreciate about yourself each and every day. It doesn’t matter how seemingly insignificant this thing you can appreciate about yourself is. It can make a positive difference. Continue to be on the lookout for aspects and attributes about you that can feel good about.

*Keep your dreams alive

Nothing stokes inner beauty and glow more than maintaining your visions for the future. What do you feel excited about? No matter how “pie in the sky” your dreams seem to be, keep them alive in your heart. Stay open to opportunities that might point you toward actually achieving them.

*Let yourself be inspired

Release your comparing and judging habits. When you see a beautiful person, take a deep breath, notice if you feel inferior or ugly by comparison. Next, look at this person again. What is that about him or her that inspires you? In what ways does this person’s beauty show?

Learn from the examples of beauty that stir you. Remind yourself that you have the capacity to be beautiful too. Give yourself permission to shine in your own unique way, just as this person is doing.

The post Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(101) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/why-feeling-beautiful-does-matter-to-your-personal-growth/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(612) "

Being beautiful has always been something that I’ve wanted to feel– yet never seemed to be able to attain for very long. I look at the shapes and aspects of other women whom I deem to be attractive as they walk down the street or grace the pages of a magazine and the seeming deficiencies […]

The post Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6009) "

Being beautiful has always been something that I’ve wanted to feel– yet never seemed to be able to attain for very long. I look at the shapes and aspects of other women whom I deem to be attractive as they walk down the street or grace the pages of a magazine and the seeming deficiencies in my own body begin to pile up.

I usually just don’t see myself measuring up which makes the whole “feeling beautiful thing” difficult.

At the same time, I hold a belief that there is something superficial about stunning beauty. I know enough about the airbrushing and altering of images to doubt that any real woman literally looks like that “cover girl” I’m comparing myself to.

And I also find myself falling into the dichotomous and limiting belief that one can be either pretty or smart– not both at the same time. There is an underlying stereotype of beautiful women as somehow shallow, egotistical and even vapid. To top it all off, right now in my life I am focused in on my personal growth and spiritual expansion. This has nothing to do with feeling beautiful, does it?

This all makes for quite the conundrum.

I want to be beautiful and I tend to judge myself in comparison to images of beauty that have been manufactured (or attained through sometimes dangerous means re: self-starving or diet-pill dependencies). All the while I do this wishing for beauty, self-judging and comparing, I don’t really respect being beautiful. I buy into the stereotype that beautiful women are narcissistic and hollow and I even see beauty as a surface concern.

I know, there seems to be a lot of conflicting and confused thoughts in here!

Beauty is more than just skin deep

I assert that discovering, affirming and celebrating your beauty is very much a personal growth endeavor. The way that beauty is predominantly understood is quite limited.

Understandably, I (along with the bulk of the population I bet) initially associate being beautiful with a particular way of looking. It seems to be an attractiveness and aesthetic appeal that is perfect in some particular way at first consideration.

But when I really think about it, beauty is an essence and an energy certain people just have. The difference is obvious when I take a step back and re-think being beautiful.

Yes, the effects can be pleasing to the eye when a woman has created a particular look using makeup, hair styling and clothing. But a woman (or man) whose beauty effuses forth from within doesn’t have to put forth those kinds of efforts. She or he walks around confidently knowing her or his own worth, value and beauty. There is a depth and a sense of empowerment present in this manner of being beautiful.

The dictionary defines beauty as a “quality” that evokes pleasure.  I think it undercuts the possibilities of beauty to confine it to the surface of our bodies and appearances.

At the same time, our appearances usually reflect what’s going on inside of us. If you are conducting your life in ways that are life-affirming, self-respecting and expansive, you are building your inner beauty and it undoubtedly shows on the outside as well.

This is why those people with a healthy inner beauty almost always glow and are pleasing to be around.

How to cultivate beautiful personal growth

If, like me, you struggle with feeling beautiful at times, try some of these ideas…

*Love yourself

You simply cannot come close to feeling or being beautiful unless you love yourself. Get into the habit of telling yourself, “I love you” throughout the day. If this seems difficult, say it anyway. Keep telling yourself, “I love you” until you can start to believe and feel it. Know that you deserve to be loved and who better to love you, than you!

*Build your self esteem

A low sense of self esteem usually accompanies feeling unattractive or ugly. Make it your goal to find things that you appreciate about yourself each and every day. It doesn’t matter how seemingly insignificant this thing you can appreciate about yourself is. It can make a positive difference. Continue to be on the lookout for aspects and attributes about you that can feel good about.

*Keep your dreams alive

Nothing stokes inner beauty and glow more than maintaining your visions for the future. What do you feel excited about? No matter how “pie in the sky” your dreams seem to be, keep them alive in your heart. Stay open to opportunities that might point you toward actually achieving them.

*Let yourself be inspired

Release your comparing and judging habits. When you see a beautiful person, take a deep breath, notice if you feel inferior or ugly by comparison. Next, look at this person again. What is that about him or her that inspires you? In what ways does this person’s beauty show?

Learn from the examples of beauty that stir you. Remind yourself that you have the capacity to be beautiful too. Give yourself permission to shine in your own unique way, just as this person is doing.

The post Why Feeling Beautiful Does Matter to Your Personal Growth appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605541272) } [6]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(61) "Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It!" ["link"]=> string(95) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/where-is-your-self-respect-you-dont-get-women-without-it/" ["comments"]=> string(103) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/where-is-your-self-respect-you-dont-get-women-without-it/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 15:33:36 +0000" ["category"]=> string(62) "Relationship Adviceadvicerelationshipsrespectself-respectwomen" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6398" ["description"]=> string(651) "

There’s something strange I’ve noticed about men who are trying to get women… And it’s that they completely lose their self-respect. You see, most regular guys like you and me don’t know a thing about how women REALLY work, so we do everything in our power to get them: – You brag about yourself with […]

The post Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It! appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(4719) "

There’s something strange I’ve noticed about men who are trying to get women…

And it’s that they completely lose their self-respect. You see, most regular guys like you and me don’t know a thing about how women REALLY work, so we do everything in our power to get them:

– You brag about yourself with one lie after the other to impress women

– You interrupt friends when they’re talking to women because if you can’t get women, they can’t either (although you don’t even realize this most of the time because you’re drunk and in a club)

– You try to get as much material gains in your life as possible because that supposedly attracts women so you’re willing to do a lot for cars, clothes, money, power, fame, etc.

Now let me ask you: where’s your honor man?

Are you seriously willing to screw over your friends just to “get the girl”? Are you figuratively speaking willing to lie, cheat, and steal for that?

Then you’re crazy… crazy for dropping all your standards and spitting on your self-respect, all for a date.

And you know what? None of the things I mentioned even work! Sure, you might attract some snobbish bimbo’s with it but not REAL women that will last you a lifetime and/or attractive women who actually have something to say.

The result: most guys, including you, get more desperate by the day because it seems that no matter what you do… women will only fall for you when you “get lucky.” That’s when the lowlife-like behavior I mentioned before transforms into a get what you can get mentality.

A get what you can get mentality where you’re satisfied with ANY woman because you really want one in your life but can’t get women: you start settling for less.

And that’s when I openly ask: where is your self-respect? Why “forget” it when you’re trying to get women?

Settling for less and starting a relationship results in you subconsciously knowing the woman you’re with is not the woman you want to be with for life. That’s when you end up neglecting and hurting her feelings over time. That’s when you end up getting a divorce.

So what you don’t get what you want right away? Better said: so what you don’t get what you want without making an effort of getting it? Are you living in Fantasy Land?

Because you can’t be realistic and expect your type of woman to magically fall into your lap if you never learn how to get her, can you? Nothing comes free, so you better start taking action to get women that are your type instead of any woman you can get like most guys do.

The best part of all this is that you actually get more women when you’re specific. Why? I’ll tell you why…

Scientists once did a study with two groups of people who were sent to the same center of town. Group one was asked to bring back as much small items as they could find on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, group two was asked to bring back only pennies they would find on the sidewalk and to bring back as many pennies as possible.

Guess who brought back more pennies? Group number two. Makes sense, because one group doesn’t know what to look for and thus looks for and at everything, while the other group is much more focused and only looking for one thing while neglecting other stuff.

This same principle applies for when you want to get women: the more specific you are, the more you find. When your thing is Latina women for example, I’m willing to bet you that you’ll count many more Latinas when walking through the center of town then when you would count random types of people.

But do you realize what this means? It means that by keeping your self-respect, you can be way more successful with meeting and dating women because you know exactly what you want… and have an easy time finding it because of that.

The post Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It! appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(100) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/where-is-your-self-respect-you-dont-get-women-without-it/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(651) "

There’s something strange I’ve noticed about men who are trying to get women… And it’s that they completely lose their self-respect. You see, most regular guys like you and me don’t know a thing about how women REALLY work, so we do everything in our power to get them: – You brag about yourself with […]

The post Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It! appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(4719) "

There’s something strange I’ve noticed about men who are trying to get women…

And it’s that they completely lose their self-respect. You see, most regular guys like you and me don’t know a thing about how women REALLY work, so we do everything in our power to get them:

– You brag about yourself with one lie after the other to impress women

– You interrupt friends when they’re talking to women because if you can’t get women, they can’t either (although you don’t even realize this most of the time because you’re drunk and in a club)

– You try to get as much material gains in your life as possible because that supposedly attracts women so you’re willing to do a lot for cars, clothes, money, power, fame, etc.

Now let me ask you: where’s your honor man?

Are you seriously willing to screw over your friends just to “get the girl”? Are you figuratively speaking willing to lie, cheat, and steal for that?

Then you’re crazy… crazy for dropping all your standards and spitting on your self-respect, all for a date.

And you know what? None of the things I mentioned even work! Sure, you might attract some snobbish bimbo’s with it but not REAL women that will last you a lifetime and/or attractive women who actually have something to say.

The result: most guys, including you, get more desperate by the day because it seems that no matter what you do… women will only fall for you when you “get lucky.” That’s when the lowlife-like behavior I mentioned before transforms into a get what you can get mentality.

A get what you can get mentality where you’re satisfied with ANY woman because you really want one in your life but can’t get women: you start settling for less.

And that’s when I openly ask: where is your self-respect? Why “forget” it when you’re trying to get women?

Settling for less and starting a relationship results in you subconsciously knowing the woman you’re with is not the woman you want to be with for life. That’s when you end up neglecting and hurting her feelings over time. That’s when you end up getting a divorce.

So what you don’t get what you want right away? Better said: so what you don’t get what you want without making an effort of getting it? Are you living in Fantasy Land?

Because you can’t be realistic and expect your type of woman to magically fall into your lap if you never learn how to get her, can you? Nothing comes free, so you better start taking action to get women that are your type instead of any woman you can get like most guys do.

The best part of all this is that you actually get more women when you’re specific. Why? I’ll tell you why…

Scientists once did a study with two groups of people who were sent to the same center of town. Group one was asked to bring back as much small items as they could find on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, group two was asked to bring back only pennies they would find on the sidewalk and to bring back as many pennies as possible.

Guess who brought back more pennies? Group number two. Makes sense, because one group doesn’t know what to look for and thus looks for and at everything, while the other group is much more focused and only looking for one thing while neglecting other stuff.

This same principle applies for when you want to get women: the more specific you are, the more you find. When your thing is Latina women for example, I’m willing to bet you that you’ll count many more Latinas when walking through the center of town then when you would count random types of people.

But do you realize what this means? It means that by keeping your self-respect, you can be way more successful with meeting and dating women because you know exactly what you want… and have an easy time finding it because of that.

The post Where Is Your Self-Respect? You Don’t Get Women Without It! appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605540816) } [7]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(50) "Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard" ["link"]=> string(88) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/relationship-advice-for-men-speak-up-and-be-heard/" ["comments"]=> string(96) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/relationship-advice-for-men-speak-up-and-be-heard/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 15:19:19 +0000" ["category"]=> string(76) "Relationship Advicearguingconflictexpress emotionsexpression of lovespeak up" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6395" ["description"]=> string(620) "

Mick feels like his wife, Theresa, couldn’t care less if he ever spoke two words again. She doesn’t seem to EVER listen to him. While Mick will admit that his perception that Theresa doesn’t EVER listen to him is a slight exaggeration, he does feel unheard. She makes plans for both of them every weekend, […]

The post Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6537) "

Mick feels like his wife, Theresa, couldn’t care less if he ever spoke two words again. She doesn’t seem to EVER listen to him.

While Mick will admit that his perception that Theresa doesn’t EVER listen to him is a slight exaggeration, he does feel unheard. She makes plans for both of them every weekend, even if he’s mentioned another plan. She promises others that Mick will volunteer with projects before consulting with him.

Theresa make a lot of scheduling decisions without really hearing what Mick has to say, she also tends to assume that he thinks and believes the same way that she does.

Mick will admit that he often lets Theresa take the lead in many areas of their life because it just seems easier that way. However, he is getting tired of her blatantly ignoring him when he does speak up.

As much as it might not feel this way, we all have the choice to use our voice or not in any given moment.

Sometimes men– and women– choose to speak up and let it be known what they want and what they believe in and other times they remain silent. There are other occasions when they try very hard to be heard, but it seems as if nobody– especially those closest to them– is listening.

Do you feel heard when you speak up about something that matters to you?

Do you let yoursel

f give voice to what you think, feel and believe on a regular basis? It might be that during the course of your life so far you were taught that it is not okay to speak up honestly and openly…especially if what you believe is different from what those in authority believe.

It could be that you have had some negative or even traumatic experiences that really drove that point into you deeply.

Now, even though you are out of the situations in which it was unsafe to speak up, you reign in your true thoughts and feelings and remain silent. You’ve become accustomed to biting your tongue and holding in the words that want to come out.

In your current relationships, this might even appear to be a successful strategy. After all, you can avoid an awful lot of tension and arguing when you simply pretend to agree or you give the impression that you have no opinion.

The big drawback of this self-silencing strategy is that you are living a lie. At some point, it comes out that you don’t really agree or that you do have an opinion and then everyone else in your life has no idea what to believe from you.

Your intention to avoid conflict by choking off your own voice can easily (and quickly) lead to resentment, anger and more conflict than probably would’ve otherwise occurred.

Give yourself permission to have and to express your voice.

A first step toward being heard by others is to give yourself full permission to know how you feel and then to express it.

Perhaps you did not experience some trauma that taught you to silence yourself, but it might seem that you are talking to a “blank wall” when you try to communicate with your woman, your kids, your boss and others in your life.

This can be frustrating and you might be tempted to stop sharing what’s on your mind because it simply feels as if nobody is listening.

Of course, there are probably changes that the other person (or people) in your life need to make. She of he might be easily distracted, likes to be in control, closed down or for some other reason not giving you the attention you deserve.

You can improve such a dynamic by exploring your own beliefs about your voice.

People who don’t feel heard often hold a belief that what they are saying is unimportant, inadequate or even wrong. These same people may have low self esteem and believe that they, themselves, are unimportant, inadequate or wrong.

When you give yourself full permission to have a voice, it is a step toward claiming your right to be heard. This shift from within yourself can actually help you gain the attention and engaged listening you desire from others.

Speak from where YOU stand.

A troublesome communication situation that often occurs is when one person courageously speaks and gives voice to his or her thoughts, but then the other person in the conversation shuts down and tunes out what is being said.

This can happen for various reasons.

The result, unfortunately, is that the person who has spoken up about something important to him or her feels unheard. The relationship between the two people becomes disconnected too because the person who could be listening feels defensive, attacked or belittled– which is usually why he or she initially shuts down.

To avoid this kind of a communication breakdown, when you give voice to your thoughts, feelings or beliefs, be sure that you are speaking from where YOU stand…and not presuming to speak for anybody other than you.

It can really help if you start your sentences with phrases like these:

“I feel…”
“In my experience…”
“I’d like to try…”
“I felt…when…”
“Are you open to…”
“This is how I see it…What is your perception?”

Release yourself (and those you are in relationships with) from the traps of believing that you have to stay silent in order to keep the peace AND that in order to be heard you have disregard what anybody else thinks.

Instead, come to a place of not only feeling certain about what you think, feel and believe, but be confident enough about your voice that you don’t need anyone else to be wrong (or even to approve).

Your voice IS important and it needs to be heard. Your life and relationships will undoubtedly prosper when you speak your words from where you stand with assurance, openness, honesty and love.

The post Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["wfw"]=> array(1) { ["commentrss"]=> string(93) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/relationship-advice-for-men-speak-up-and-be-heard/feed/" } ["slash"]=> array(1) { ["comments"]=> string(1) "0" } ["summary"]=> string(620) "

Mick feels like his wife, Theresa, couldn’t care less if he ever spoke two words again. She doesn’t seem to EVER listen to him. While Mick will admit that his perception that Theresa doesn’t EVER listen to him is a slight exaggeration, he does feel unheard. She makes plans for both of them every weekend, […]

The post Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6537) "

Mick feels like his wife, Theresa, couldn’t care less if he ever spoke two words again. She doesn’t seem to EVER listen to him.

While Mick will admit that his perception that Theresa doesn’t EVER listen to him is a slight exaggeration, he does feel unheard. She makes plans for both of them every weekend, even if he’s mentioned another plan. She promises others that Mick will volunteer with projects before consulting with him.

Theresa make a lot of scheduling decisions without really hearing what Mick has to say, she also tends to assume that he thinks and believes the same way that she does.

Mick will admit that he often lets Theresa take the lead in many areas of their life because it just seems easier that way. However, he is getting tired of her blatantly ignoring him when he does speak up.

As much as it might not feel this way, we all have the choice to use our voice or not in any given moment.

Sometimes men– and women– choose to speak up and let it be known what they want and what they believe in and other times they remain silent. There are other occasions when they try very hard to be heard, but it seems as if nobody– especially those closest to them– is listening.

Do you feel heard when you speak up about something that matters to you?

Do you let yoursel

f give voice to what you think, feel and believe on a regular basis? It might be that during the course of your life so far you were taught that it is not okay to speak up honestly and openly…especially if what you believe is different from what those in authority believe.

It could be that you have had some negative or even traumatic experiences that really drove that point into you deeply.

Now, even though you are out of the situations in which it was unsafe to speak up, you reign in your true thoughts and feelings and remain silent. You’ve become accustomed to biting your tongue and holding in the words that want to come out.

In your current relationships, this might even appear to be a successful strategy. After all, you can avoid an awful lot of tension and arguing when you simply pretend to agree or you give the impression that you have no opinion.

The big drawback of this self-silencing strategy is that you are living a lie. At some point, it comes out that you don’t really agree or that you do have an opinion and then everyone else in your life has no idea what to believe from you.

Your intention to avoid conflict by choking off your own voice can easily (and quickly) lead to resentment, anger and more conflict than probably would’ve otherwise occurred.

Give yourself permission to have and to express your voice.

A first step toward being heard by others is to give yourself full permission to know how you feel and then to express it.

Perhaps you did not experience some trauma that taught you to silence yourself, but it might seem that you are talking to a “blank wall” when you try to communicate with your woman, your kids, your boss and others in your life.

This can be frustrating and you might be tempted to stop sharing what’s on your mind because it simply feels as if nobody is listening.

Of course, there are probably changes that the other person (or people) in your life need to make. She of he might be easily distracted, likes to be in control, closed down or for some other reason not giving you the attention you deserve.

You can improve such a dynamic by exploring your own beliefs about your voice.

People who don’t feel heard often hold a belief that what they are saying is unimportant, inadequate or even wrong. These same people may have low self esteem and believe that they, themselves, are unimportant, inadequate or wrong.

When you give yourself full permission to have a voice, it is a step toward claiming your right to be heard. This shift from within yourself can actually help you gain the attention and engaged listening you desire from others.

Speak from where YOU stand.

A troublesome communication situation that often occurs is when one person courageously speaks and gives voice to his or her thoughts, but then the other person in the conversation shuts down and tunes out what is being said.

This can happen for various reasons.

The result, unfortunately, is that the person who has spoken up about something important to him or her feels unheard. The relationship between the two people becomes disconnected too because the person who could be listening feels defensive, attacked or belittled– which is usually why he or she initially shuts down.

To avoid this kind of a communication breakdown, when you give voice to your thoughts, feelings or beliefs, be sure that you are speaking from where YOU stand…and not presuming to speak for anybody other than you.

It can really help if you start your sentences with phrases like these:

“I feel…”
“In my experience…”
“I’d like to try…”
“I felt…when…”
“Are you open to…”
“This is how I see it…What is your perception?”

Release yourself (and those you are in relationships with) from the traps of believing that you have to stay silent in order to keep the peace AND that in order to be heard you have disregard what anybody else thinks.

Instead, come to a place of not only feeling certain about what you think, feel and believe, but be confident enough about your voice that you don’t need anyone else to be wrong (or even to approve).

Your voice IS important and it needs to be heard. Your life and relationships will undoubtedly prosper when you speak your words from where you stand with assurance, openness, honesty and love.

The post Relationship Advice for Men: Speak Up and Be Heard appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605539959) } [8]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(62) "5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving" ["link"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/5-ways-to-get-the-respect-love-and-attention-youre-craving/" ["comments"]=> string(105) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/5-ways-to-get-the-respect-love-and-attention-youre-craving/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Sarah Hill" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 15:10:26 +0000" ["category"]=> string(63) "Relationship AdviceadviceATTENTIONloveneedsrelationshipsrespect" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6392" ["description"]=> string(662) "

It doesn’t matter how independent or self-sufficient a person is, there is always a desire to be loved and to feel important in some way. Feeling loved and validated are both very basic human needs. When you perceive that you’re not loved, that you aren’t being respected or that you aren’t getting the attention you […]

The post 5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6391) "

It doesn’t matter how independent or self-sufficient a person is, there is always a desire to be loved and to feel important in some way. Feeling loved and validated are both very basic human needs.

When you perceive that you’re not loved, that you aren’t being respected or that you aren’t getting the attention you crave from those closest to you, it hurts.

Your sense of self worth usually takes a nose dive and you may wonder what you’ve done to deserve such mistreatment.

Whether it’s your spouse, your partner, your parents, your siblings, your children, your co-workers, your boss or anyone else in your life….

If it seems like you aren’t getting the respect, care or attention you want from another person, it can not only affect your relationship, it can impact your ability to live life as fully satisfied and happy as you’d like.

Being in a painful place like this can feel confining. You might believe that this is just the way relationships are or that you somehow deserve to be ignored or disrespected. You may feel utterly helpless to make any positive changes which makes the whole situation that much worse.

Please know that there ARE things you can do. You can’t force or “make” someone else respect or pay attention to you in the way you desire, but you are NOT helpless.

Try these 5 ways to get more respect, validation and attention in your life…

#1: Get clear about your need.

When you find yourself asking this other person (either out loud or in your mind), “What have you done for me lately?” stop. Go within yourself and listen to the very specific need that you have.

What is really true for you right now?

In my own life, often what initially seems to be bothering me is vastly different than what is REALLY bothering me.

Recently, I felt sad and initially believed that this was because my husband was paying more attention to his new job than he was to me. Before approaching him to talk, I went a little deeper and discovered that I was mostly feeling distant from two of my close friends whom I haven’t connected with in awhile. While making more quality time with my husband is a priority, in this case, my sadness was linked more directly to these friendships.

This clarification allowed me to take action (reach out to these friends) in ways that fulfilled my need.

#2: Meet your own needs yourself.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you are probably familiar with the emergency directions to secure an air mask or flotation device on yourself BEFORE helping another person. It makes logical sense that, in a disastrous situation, you can actually better assist someone else when you’ve met your own needs first.

These directions apply to everyday life as well.

Too many of us set aside our own needs over and over and over again. We deplete our inner reserves and then end up resentful and burned out. This is the place when a lot of us wonder when somebody, anybody, will treat us nicely!

Believe it or not, you can more easily and fully receive what others are offering when you fulfill your own needs first. If you don’t already do this, make regular time for self-care, pampering and treating yourself with love and kindness.

#3: Acknowledge what IS being given to you.

The beauty of fulfilling your own needs as best as you can is that you are then in a place where you can notice the attention, respect or love that is being offered to you.

It might not look, sound or feel exactly like what you would do for you, but this can be okay.

People show their love and respect in different ways. It could be that the unique manner in which this person is giving you attention or demonstrating respect or love is potentially enriching to you. You won’t know this unless you are able to open up to whatever that is in the first place.

You may be pleasantly surprised and positively stretched when you acknowledge that those close to you ARE being respectful and loving, in their own unique ways.

#4: Make specific requests.

When you start fulfilling your own needs and you open up to what others may be offering you (that you didn’t notice before), you might still feel disappointed or upset. Relationships can be messy and unpleasant at times. People can be insensitive and even abusive.

This is the time to make requests for a change in behavior. Clarity and specificity are both key.

Instead of making a generalizing or vague statements such as, “You never have time for me,” try “I’d like us to commit to one date night each week. Are you willing to make time in your schedule for that?”

Rather than saying, “You don’t ever give me respect,” try “When you use that tone of voice and call me those names, I feel hurt and put down. I will listen to you when you use a softer tone of voice and choose kinder words.”

It’s useful to keep your request focused on what you DO want in terms of specific behavior changes and also a certain time frame, if that is applicable.

#5: Decide what is best for you.

Ultimately, you get to decide what is best for you. Perhaps making a choice to interact with this person differently, to restrict interactions with this person, to get professional help with the relationship or to end the relationship completely is the most effective way for you to meet your needs.

Remember that YOU get to choose how you will be in each of your relationships, including your relationship with your own self.

The post 5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It doesn’t matter how independent or self-sufficient a person is, there is always a desire to be loved and to feel important in some way. Feeling loved and validated are both very basic human needs. When you perceive that you’re not loved, that you aren’t being respected or that you aren’t getting the attention you […]

The post 5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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It doesn’t matter how independent or self-sufficient a person is, there is always a desire to be loved and to feel important in some way. Feeling loved and validated are both very basic human needs.

When you perceive that you’re not loved, that you aren’t being respected or that you aren’t getting the attention you crave from those closest to you, it hurts.

Your sense of self worth usually takes a nose dive and you may wonder what you’ve done to deserve such mistreatment.

Whether it’s your spouse, your partner, your parents, your siblings, your children, your co-workers, your boss or anyone else in your life….

If it seems like you aren’t getting the respect, care or attention you want from another person, it can not only affect your relationship, it can impact your ability to live life as fully satisfied and happy as you’d like.

Being in a painful place like this can feel confining. You might believe that this is just the way relationships are or that you somehow deserve to be ignored or disrespected. You may feel utterly helpless to make any positive changes which makes the whole situation that much worse.

Please know that there ARE things you can do. You can’t force or “make” someone else respect or pay attention to you in the way you desire, but you are NOT helpless.

Try these 5 ways to get more respect, validation and attention in your life…

#1: Get clear about your need.

When you find yourself asking this other person (either out loud or in your mind), “What have you done for me lately?” stop. Go within yourself and listen to the very specific need that you have.

What is really true for you right now?

In my own life, often what initially seems to be bothering me is vastly different than what is REALLY bothering me.

Recently, I felt sad and initially believed that this was because my husband was paying more attention to his new job than he was to me. Before approaching him to talk, I went a little deeper and discovered that I was mostly feeling distant from two of my close friends whom I haven’t connected with in awhile. While making more quality time with my husband is a priority, in this case, my sadness was linked more directly to these friendships.

This clarification allowed me to take action (reach out to these friends) in ways that fulfilled my need.

#2: Meet your own needs yourself.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you are probably familiar with the emergency directions to secure an air mask or flotation device on yourself BEFORE helping another person. It makes logical sense that, in a disastrous situation, you can actually better assist someone else when you’ve met your own needs first.

These directions apply to everyday life as well.

Too many of us set aside our own needs over and over and over again. We deplete our inner reserves and then end up resentful and burned out. This is the place when a lot of us wonder when somebody, anybody, will treat us nicely!

Believe it or not, you can more easily and fully receive what others are offering when you fulfill your own needs first. If you don’t already do this, make regular time for self-care, pampering and treating yourself with love and kindness.

#3: Acknowledge what IS being given to you.

The beauty of fulfilling your own needs as best as you can is that you are then in a place where you can notice the attention, respect or love that is being offered to you.

It might not look, sound or feel exactly like what you would do for you, but this can be okay.

People show their love and respect in different ways. It could be that the unique manner in which this person is giving you attention or demonstrating respect or love is potentially enriching to you. You won’t know this unless you are able to open up to whatever that is in the first place.

You may be pleasantly surprised and positively stretched when you acknowledge that those close to you ARE being respectful and loving, in their own unique ways.

#4: Make specific requests.

When you start fulfilling your own needs and you open up to what others may be offering you (that you didn’t notice before), you might still feel disappointed or upset. Relationships can be messy and unpleasant at times. People can be insensitive and even abusive.

This is the time to make requests for a change in behavior. Clarity and specificity are both key.

Instead of making a generalizing or vague statements such as, “You never have time for me,” try “I’d like us to commit to one date night each week. Are you willing to make time in your schedule for that?”

Rather than saying, “You don’t ever give me respect,” try “When you use that tone of voice and call me those names, I feel hurt and put down. I will listen to you when you use a softer tone of voice and choose kinder words.”

It’s useful to keep your request focused on what you DO want in terms of specific behavior changes and also a certain time frame, if that is applicable.

#5: Decide what is best for you.

Ultimately, you get to decide what is best for you. Perhaps making a choice to interact with this person differently, to restrict interactions with this person, to get professional help with the relationship or to end the relationship completely is the most effective way for you to meet your needs.

Remember that YOU get to choose how you will be in each of your relationships, including your relationship with your own self.

The post 5 Ways to Get the Respect, Love and Attention You’re Craving appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1605539426) } [9]=> array(14) { ["title"]=> string(52) "Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You" ["link"]=> string(91) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/getting-closer-in-your-relationships-starts-with-you/" ["comments"]=> string(99) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/11/16/getting-closer-in-your-relationships-starts-with-you/#respond" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(14) "Shannon Fisher" } ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 16 Nov 2020 14:03:02 +0000" ["category"]=> string(52) "Relationship Adviceadvicegetting closerrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=6389" ["description"]=> string(634) "

If there’s one thing that can kill a relationship of any kind it’s distance. You might know this from your own experiences. Perhaps you had a best friend as a teenager with whom you shared everything. It’s highly possible that neither of you could envision a future that didn’t include you two being as close […]

The post Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6769) "

If there’s one thing that can kill a relationship of any kind it’s distance.

You might know this from your own experiences.

Perhaps you had a best friend as a teenager with whom you shared everything. It’s highly possible that neither of you could envision a future that didn’t include you two being as close as you were at right that moment.

After graduation from high school, or maybe even before things began to change. You still spent time together and stayed in contact, but there was a growing distance that seemed to be growing.

Eventually, the two of you fell out of touch with one another. Maybe you can’t even remember the last time you talked with or saw this friend.

This can happen with best friends, parents, children and in love relationships or marriages too.

Childhood best friends grow up and apart. Children become more independent, leave home and start their own lives. In some ways, these relationship evolutions are expected and even natural and healthy (depending on how they play out).

However, when a couple in a love relationship or marriage experiences distance, this is not something that HAS to happen.

There are certainly situations in which two people grow apart and decide to end their relationship. This is sometimes in the best interests of each person– even if it does nvolve emotional pain and grief.

If you have noticed distance in your own relationship and you want to re-connect with your partner, addressing the distance that has possibly formed is essential.

Getting closer to your partner (or anyone else) always and every time starts with you…

If your mate seems to you to be cold and distant, the declaration that getting closer starts with you may be irritating to read.

It is difficult– and sometimes feels impossible– to get closer to someone who seems uninterested in doing that. It’s helpful to remember what you can and you can’t do.

One thing you truly cannot do is to force your partner to change. If you’ve ever tried to make someone you love be a different way when he or she is unwilling, you know how futile this can be.

There are so many things that you CAN do, however.

You can start to look at your own habits and behaviors when it comes to intimacy, communication, openness, criticizing, being judgmental, closing down, opening up and more.

To acknowledge and take ownership for your role in the distance that you feel in your relationship is an absolutely essential part of getting closer to your partner or anyone else.

If you want to erase the distance in your relationship and you’re not sure how to begin, ask yourself these two questions below. Take your time with them and remember, this isn’t about figuring out who is to blame. This is about opening the doors to the improvements and kinds of experiences you desire.

#1: “How am I possibly pushing my partner away?”

Create some quiet, private space for yourself. Invite yourself to be completely honest and then think about your relationship.

Recall the specific and observable ways that you might push your partner away from you. This might happen when you are feeling triggered, vulnerable or defensive. It might occur when you are distracted, stressed out or overwhelmed.

You might realize that your mate actually does attempt to get closer to you occasionally– but it’s not in ways you were expecting or at a time when you were open and available.

Just recognizing that you aren’t the only one who reaches out and tries to bridge the gaps between you two can be a big a-ha moment. Especially if you’ve previously believed that you are the only one who wants a closer relationship, this question can help you make an important shift.

Even if you can’t think of any examples in which your partner reached out to you, it can still help you to identify the ways that you might be pushing him or her away– even if you didn’t intend to.

This understanding could prompt you to try some new ways of being with your loved one in the future. When you try (and continue) new habits and responses, be sure to notice what happens.

#2: “What could I soften yet not cave in about?”

When there’s distance in your relationship, there’s also often a feeling of rigidity present. Distance can form and grow as one or both people solidify certain thoughts and beliefs about one another or particular circumstances.

Perhaps your husband appears to be more absorbed in his career than focused on your family. Maybe your girlfriend seems to care more about the classes she’s taking than she does about you.

It could be that the differences between you two seem insurmountable.

These beliefs and perceptions may or may not be true– sometimes or any time. Nonetheless, you find yourself acting as if they are absolutely and irrevocably what you think they are.

Start to identify the beliefs that you have about your relationship that feel very solid and rigid. Invite yourself to soften and question those beliefs and perceptions.

If you and your mate have had a running disagreement about a particular issue, encourage yourself to open up to softening your own position.

Know that softening and acknowledging that things aren’t as fixed as they seem is very different from caving in. When you cave in, you are essentially giving away your power. You are squelching your own voice and your needs in a last ditch effort to appease the other person.

When you soften, however, you remember to breathe. You remind yourself about how important your mate and relationship are to you. You also expand your perspective of the situation or issue and you broaden your view.

From this broader view, you know your priorities, you honor yourself and you more easily move closer to your partner as you find a resolution together.

The post Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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If there’s one thing that can kill a relationship of any kind it’s distance. You might know this from your own experiences. Perhaps you had a best friend as a teenager with whom you shared everything. It’s highly possible that neither of you could envision a future that didn’t include you two being as close […]

The post Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6769) "

If there’s one thing that can kill a relationship of any kind it’s distance.

You might know this from your own experiences.

Perhaps you had a best friend as a teenager with whom you shared everything. It’s highly possible that neither of you could envision a future that didn’t include you two being as close as you were at right that moment.

After graduation from high school, or maybe even before things began to change. You still spent time together and stayed in contact, but there was a growing distance that seemed to be growing.

Eventually, the two of you fell out of touch with one another. Maybe you can’t even remember the last time you talked with or saw this friend.

This can happen with best friends, parents, children and in love relationships or marriages too.

Childhood best friends grow up and apart. Children become more independent, leave home and start their own lives. In some ways, these relationship evolutions are expected and even natural and healthy (depending on how they play out).

However, when a couple in a love relationship or marriage experiences distance, this is not something that HAS to happen.

There are certainly situations in which two people grow apart and decide to end their relationship. This is sometimes in the best interests of each person– even if it does nvolve emotional pain and grief.

If you have noticed distance in your own relationship and you want to re-connect with your partner, addressing the distance that has possibly formed is essential.

Getting closer to your partner (or anyone else) always and every time starts with you…

If your mate seems to you to be cold and distant, the declaration that getting closer starts with you may be irritating to read.

It is difficult– and sometimes feels impossible– to get closer to someone who seems uninterested in doing that. It’s helpful to remember what you can and you can’t do.

One thing you truly cannot do is to force your partner to change. If you’ve ever tried to make someone you love be a different way when he or she is unwilling, you know how futile this can be.

There are so many things that you CAN do, however.

You can start to look at your own habits and behaviors when it comes to intimacy, communication, openness, criticizing, being judgmental, closing down, opening up and more.

To acknowledge and take ownership for your role in the distance that you feel in your relationship is an absolutely essential part of getting closer to your partner or anyone else.

If you want to erase the distance in your relationship and you’re not sure how to begin, ask yourself these two questions below. Take your time with them and remember, this isn’t about figuring out who is to blame. This is about opening the doors to the improvements and kinds of experiences you desire.

#1: “How am I possibly pushing my partner away?”

Create some quiet, private space for yourself. Invite yourself to be completely honest and then think about your relationship.

Recall the specific and observable ways that you might push your partner away from you. This might happen when you are feeling triggered, vulnerable or defensive. It might occur when you are distracted, stressed out or overwhelmed.

You might realize that your mate actually does attempt to get closer to you occasionally– but it’s not in ways you were expecting or at a time when you were open and available.

Just recognizing that you aren’t the only one who reaches out and tries to bridge the gaps between you two can be a big a-ha moment. Especially if you’ve previously believed that you are the only one who wants a closer relationship, this question can help you make an important shift.

Even if you can’t think of any examples in which your partner reached out to you, it can still help you to identify the ways that you might be pushing him or her away– even if you didn’t intend to.

This understanding could prompt you to try some new ways of being with your loved one in the future. When you try (and continue) new habits and responses, be sure to notice what happens.

#2: “What could I soften yet not cave in about?”

When there’s distance in your relationship, there’s also often a feeling of rigidity present. Distance can form and grow as one or both people solidify certain thoughts and beliefs about one another or particular circumstances.

Perhaps your husband appears to be more absorbed in his career than focused on your family. Maybe your girlfriend seems to care more about the classes she’s taking than she does about you.

It could be that the differences between you two seem insurmountable.

These beliefs and perceptions may or may not be true– sometimes or any time. Nonetheless, you find yourself acting as if they are absolutely and irrevocably what you think they are.

Start to identify the beliefs that you have about your relationship that feel very solid and rigid. Invite yourself to soften and question those beliefs and perceptions.

If you and your mate have had a running disagreement about a particular issue, encourage yourself to open up to softening your own position.

Know that softening and acknowledging that things aren’t as fixed as they seem is very different from caving in. When you cave in, you are essentially giving away your power. You are squelching your own voice and your needs in a last ditch effort to appease the other person.

When you soften, however, you remember to breathe. You remind yourself about how important your mate and relationship are to you. You also expand your perspective of the situation or issue and you broaden your view.

From this broader view, you know your priorities, you honor yourself and you more easily move closer to your partner as you find a resolution together.

The post Getting Closer in Your Relationships Starts with You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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